Costliest type of abuse
You could be in a financially abusive relationship and not even know it
FINANCIAL abuse in any family or relationship is a powerful and dangerous form of intimidation, which is a lot more common in Australia than you think . . . it’s not just celebrity divorces.
What makes financial abuse even more insidious is that the abuser often rationalises their actions as caring.
But the bottom line is that financial abuse can leave the weaker partner extraordinarily exposed. This sort of abuse often takes the form of a partner in a relationship, or a parent over a child, or an adult child over an elderly parent, where the abuser completely controls the finances of the other person and refuses to share any of that responsibility or information. Financial abuse could be;
Having sole access to bank and online accounts. Controlling PIN codes Taking out joint loans without a partner’s consent
Restricting access to insurance, superannuation and estate planning documents.
Making investment decisions without consultation
Limiting access to cash and credit cards, or
Asking a person to sign financial documents without explaining what they are.
We’re not talking about when a couple has agreed one partner takes primary responsibility for running the finances but is always happy to keep the other informed.
A financial abuser insists on controlling the finances, is secretive about what they’re doing and will not share information.
To test which sort of partner you have, simply ask for them to explain the state of your finances, provide access to all accounts and show where insurance and investment documents are kept.
If they refuse, you need to worry.
If they say, “you don’t need to worry about it, I have it all under control”, you should still worry.
Explain that you’re concerned if they drop dead you’d have no idea where anything was and that is just too risky.
If they refuse after that, you’re in real strife and must do something about it. Your partner either has something to hide or they have such a controlling personality it will put you at risk in the future.
What if your partner dies or leaves you?
We had friends where the husband walked out of a marriage and left his wife with the comment “you be nice to me or you won’t get a cent”. They owned a family business, but she had no idea where they banked, what they earned, investments, insurance, estate planning – absolutely nothing.
We put a team of professionals together to help her and she ended up OK. But she should never have been in that position.
Sexually Transmitted Debt is just one of many risks. It’s where one partner in a relationship is lumbered with the debts of the other. You’d be amazed just how common this problem is.
One partner will rack up debts on the joint credit card, refuse to pay or skip out and the other partner is left with the responsibility of paying the whole debt.
Here are some steps to protect yourself from possible financial abuse;
• financial decisions on economics, not emotions. If you trust each other, then there is no problem with formalising that trust by keeping each other informed about financial decisions.
• dismiss it. Read it. When you have to sign papers it is better to be one day late than to lose everything in five years’ time just because you were too busy to read the small print.
• guarantor: If the bank does not have confidence in the principal applicant, why should you? Remember, when you sign as guarantor, you are indicating you are prepared to take over the debt if the borrower defaults.
• where the money is coming from and where it is going..
• you have a joint account with your spouse, make sure the bank does not allow payments above a certain amount unless there is joint agreement.
• carefully at how you buy assets . . . single names, joint names, their name, your name? It could all be extremely relevant for both tax purposes and if the relationship splits.
• you are a director of a family company you have a right to see the books. Insist on the accountant showing them to you.
• on a financial plan. This way both partners have common goals and know where they are heading.
In our relationship, Libby has always run the day-to-day finances and David the investments, but we make big financial decisions jointly.