OFF THE RECORD
THIS really is the gift that keeps on giving – for ever and ever. When asked by her mega rich husband what she wanted as a present for an upcoming birthday, the wife came up with an unexpected answer. “A coffin,” she said. “It has to be pink, have a Perspex lid and I want to try it out beforehand to see if it is comfortable.” Somewhat staggered but eager to please he then made a few calls and took his very pleased partner off to check out what was on offer. Like Goldilocks the first was too small, the second far too tight before, third time’s a charm, finding the one that was just right. It takes all types.
THE Australian Tennis Open has now finished and one exGold Coaster is delighted to see the end of it. Now based in Melbourne with a connection to the event, the problem has been the huge number of locals who have been on the phone begging for free tickets to anything and everything. “To make matters worse most of them are barely known to me but are claiming lifelong friendship through a cocktail party we once attended together five years ago. Next year I’m changing my phone number.” Anything for a freebie.
CALL it a woman’s intuition but this long-time married dame had a sneaking suspicion that her husband was playing away from home. Knowing that he was travelling for business she made a point of checking his credit card account on line and saw an entry for the hotel he always stayed in while in Sydney. At an hour when he should have been getting ready for bed she rang the hotel and asked to be put through to his room. Surprise, surprise, a woman answered the phone and she asked to speak to hubby dearest. Stammer, stutter, and stumble equals gotcha! Every touch leaves a trace.
SOMEONE obviously doesn’t know when enough is enough. Invited to a house party with long-time friends, she plonked herself down near the bar and proceeded to enjoy the best of what was on offer. At a sensible hour the hosts began gently hinting to everyone that it was time to start heading home. Everyone commenced departing except for this saturated sister. Nope she wasn’t leaving, it was far too early and why would she leave a perfectly good bottle of just opened shriek juice? Eventually a cab was called and they woman handled her out the door and out of their lives forever.