OFF THE RECORD
VIPITIS may sound like a rare disease contracted by rabbits but sadly it is restricted solely to humans. While not known to be deadly, it is contagious and creates an unreal sense of self-importance in those afflicted. Symptoms include a loss of humility, an elevated need to be invited to any opening and constant trips to the nearest rest room to make sure that hair and make-up are perfect. And it is spreading fast. How do we know? A little birdie who works at one of our more celebrated nightspots has told that she is constantly called to the phone to deal with calls from the delusional ones demanding an invite to an upcoming event because they are VIPs.
IS it any wonder that top flight professional sportsmen so often get caught playing away from home? One wellseasoned sauce has told of his astonishment at the furore caused by this visiting sports star who called in to a local venue to enjoy a few quiet drinks with some mates. “Within 10 minutes of his arrival there was a steady stream of beautiful young women making a beeline for his table. There was no doubting their intentions – they wanted him and they wanted him there and then. He was very polite but after about an hour he left by a side door leaving the desperate and dateless girls behind.”
HE was her boss, a decade or so older and what she really admired about him was that he was faithful and true to his wife. Naturally she decided he was the one for her and as they say in the classics, heaved her bosom in his general direction. Big fish landed, she settled back into a life of luxury having her every whim indulged. Fast forward 20 years to now and she is today facing the same dilemma his first wife faced – passed over for a newer, fresher model. How does it go? Something about chickens, home, roost.
JUST because you’ve read the program notes doesn’t actually make you an expert. This know-it-all dame is still smarting after attending a big arts event. After it was over, and as is her wont, she started pontificating about the whys, wherefores and hidden nuances that the creator of the works had in mind. Names were dropped, theories were expanded and references to obscure Russian poets were all included until a voice behind her broke the Joycean rant. It was the creator of the piece who very quietly but firmly told her that she didn’t know what she was talking about. Ouch!