Selfie age is costing the young real connections
WHEN IT COMES TO BLAME, NOBODY QUITE KNOWS WHERE TO POINT THE FINGER – OR ANY OTHER APPENDAGE, FOR THAT MATTER.
THE GFC just got 50 shades dirtier …
New research shows that the US is in the grips of what’s been dubbed the “sex recession”, with the average young adult getting lucky “just” 54 times a year, going down (sorry) from 62 in the 1990s.
Maybe it’s just the Yanks being uptight … I’ve always thought laidback Aussies get, well, laid back more.
But no. (And “no” seems to be the operative word.) Australia, the UK, Finland and the Netherlands have all seen similar declines and in Japan, 43 per cent of people aged 18 to 34 were virgins in 2015.
This is a new global crisis. A GFC that dare not speak its name.
When it comes to blame, nobody quite knows where to point the finger – or any other appendage, for that matter. The suspects are online porn, social media, dating apps, lower rates of marriage and more time spent living with parents. Taken as a group, it indicates a trend away from physical intimacy in general.
Screens are now the preferred partner, accounting for so much of millennials’ relating, communicating and connecting.
Yet maybe this is much ado about doing it?
After all, with teenagers having sex for the first time later in life and young adults on pace to have fewer sexual partners, we’re looking at a decline in teen pregnancy and STDs.
Some experts say the statistics also indicate that young people feel less pressured into sex they don’t want to have, thanks to shifting gender expectations, a better understanding of consent and growing awareness of diverse sexual orientations.
Besides, to be honest, those figures seem quite sensible to me – 54 times a year means once a week, plus Christmas and a birthday (not mine).
But then sex isn’t meant to be entirely sensible, is it? If it was, who would do it? It’s awkward, a little messy and really not appropriate for social media.
Maybe I’ve put my finger on something there … (or are you just happy to see me?).
After all, this data sits alongside other research that shows social media-loving millennials not only do it less but they also smoke less, drink less, fight less and take drugs less. Even our schoolies are more interested in yoga at sunrise than a tequila sunrise.
The interest in how they appear, versus who they are, is becoming all-consuming.
And, according to my research, accomplishing sex to the satisfaction of both parties requires vulnerability, something else that’s on the decline.
Nobody wants to expose themselves – not without a filter, anyway.
While living with their parents for too long is absolutely a boner killer, it’s the vulnerability slump that really has me worried.
It seems what our young people are really avoiding is not sex, but each other.
Indeed, they’re certainly not off getting off, with the rates of meaningful “alone time” doubling since the ’90s. Sisters really are doing it for themselves.
But surely they still need someone else?
I’m thrilled if my children want to wait a few extra years before experiencing all that the birds and the bees have to offer.
But not if it’s because they don’t how to connect with others.
Or that they prefer the glow of an iPhone to the magic of eye contact.
Otherwise, this is a recession that is truly depressing.
Read Ann Wason Moore every Tuesday and Saturday in the Bulletin