GUYS – CUT IT OUT
GEE whiz I’m sick of men whinging. Sure, it’s women who have marched through the streets of this country protesting against sexism and gendered violence and demanding government action, but it seems the only real complaints I hear are from the un-fairer sex.
After all, women’s list of demands basically begin with equality and end with respect – it’s not whining when it’s a matter of respecting basic human rights. And yet it seems too many men think it’s all too hard.
Witness the launch of the Gold Coast Bulletin’s Women of the Year campaign. Within minutes of it being promoted on social media along came the comment: so when is the Men of the Year launch?
Way to miss the point, dude.
This campaign is about amplifying the achievements of women because historically we have been overlooked and under-represented.
Yes, change is happening ... but judging by the response and reactions from some men, it sure ain’t easy.
Am I talking about a majority of men? Or even a lot? Nope. But it is a highly vocal minority who are really starting to piss me off.
You know the ones. You can recognise them by their distress call: “Of course I support women, but it’s getting so I don’t even know how to behave around them anymore.”
Forget worrying about getting raped or abused, these guys have some serious concerns … such as knowing when to open a door, how to read a room and understanding personal space.
To be fair, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to these queries. And that’s kind of the point.
Stop treating women as “other” and treat them as “human”. Do men ever worry about these issues with other men? Yes and no … it depends on who, what, when and where. It’s both situational and personal … it’s not a blanket code of behaviour.
And that’s exactly what we too are asking for.
There was a time not so long ago when I hesitated to label myself as a feminist. I didn’t want to be considered an angry, man-hating woman who yelled at any male who dared open a door for me.
And then, as I educated myself about my very own gender – and better understood some of my very own experiences, I realised that this definition of feminism was a lie. Feminism is equality. The fact is that I would never yell at any man who opens a door for me.
And yet, to be brutally honest, I don’t particularly like it.
Allow me to clarify. If a man ahead of me holds the door open as I follow, that’s pure courtesy – something I too regularly practice for any man ... or woman.
But when a man rushes from behind to sensationally open my door in a showy display of chivalry, I’m not grateful.
It’s not that I’m insulted – I don’t believe he thinks that I’m incapable – I just believe he’s making this all about him.
It’s not courtesy, it’s a come-on. It’s “look at me being a gentleman”. But in the words of Shania Twain, that don’t impress me much.
And this is invariably the same guy who will then stand uncomfortably close, invading my personal space without invitation.
And the same guy who will then complain that all of this “women’s rights” stuff has gone too far. That he can’t tell the jokes he wants to tell or say the things he wants to say without fear of offending someone.
To which I say, it’s about time this burden fell not only on women’s shoulders.
How many times have we been the ones to suffer in silence while listening to a sexist joke?
How many times have we grimaced in discomfort as a man invaded our personal space, touched our shoulders or elbows in a manner that felt far too propriety?
How long have we bore the brunt of feeling awkward, not knowing if this invasion of personal space is threatening or simply obliviously illmannered?
While it is true that we are at a point of social discomfort right now, that’s what it takes to make change.
And if you can’t figure out a way to behave that doesn’t make people uncomfortable, that’s on you.
Yes, it takes thought, care and compassion ... but is that really too much to ask?
Change is hard but it’s time to suck it up, prince.
Creating a more equal society is a win-win for us all. Women are not asking for more than men but the same – and that goes for not just rights but also responsibilities.
Let’s work towards a society where it’s not a case of men looking after women or women looking after men but where we all look out for each other.
Let’s open the door to a better Australia.