What YOU SAY when you tell me about your renovations … and what I HEAR
“Our kids now have their own bedrooms. World War Three averted!”
Are your two kids still sharing that broom closet? You going to stay in that flat after you have the baby?
“AND we’ve given them their own bathroom.”
We have higher personal hygiene and privacy standards than you do.
“Kitchen fully rebuilt. Finally the space my cooking skills deserve. Ha ha!”
Remember when I offered to cook at your place? All that fumbling around in poky corners, crappy cupboards, practically no bench space, only one power point, no dishwasher, atrocious ventilation and light. Never again!
“Barry’s new man cave with bar and games tables. He’d love to have you round for some good ol’ snooker!”
Unless of course you’re still pissed off from when he asked you to help us move all that furniture into storage while our place was being gutted.
“Contemporary bullnose-roof verandah. For when we kick back on those summer evenings and watch the kids play safely in the neighbourhood.”
Remember, we live in a safe cul-desac, not on a busy road with trucks belching carbon monoxide, like you do. How’s little Poppy’s asthma these days?
“Quaint 18th-century Italian birdbath.”
It’s bigger than your actual bath!
“Let us know when you guys can come over for the Grand Tour. Can’t wait to see the look on your faces!”
Can’t wait to see the look on your faces!
“Full backyard redesign, with a Zen garden for when we want to stop and reflect on how lucky we are to have the security of owning our own home.”
You must really be worried about being completely shut out of the property market. What’s going to happen when you’re old?
“Teak decking with state-of-the-art drains.”
You realise that renting is throwing money down the drain?
“Open-plan lounge room with a fully automated ducted eco climate system. Don’t ask me how it works! So nice to come home and not have to do anything.”
Like, finding ways to stop expensive heating leaching out of draughty floorboards, stopping the rain coming in through rotting windowsills or putting on a coat to go to the toilet.
“New double garage. Seriously, we have no idea what to do with all this new space. Might need another car!”
You still park your 1995 Festiva on the street?
“Travertine paving. Sure looks great, don’t it! Who would have thought I’d ever be in a position to spend the cost of a trip to Langkawi on paving!”
Thank GOD for our rich parents, or else we’d still be in your position: in a share house, where your housemates are your family. By the way, did I tell you we’re going on a trip to Langkawi?