Fall from grace means there will be no dodg­ing prac­tice

The Riverine Herald - - NEWS - WITH IVY JENSEN

WHAT goes up must come down.

As a physi­cist I am a good jour­nal­ist but the laws laid down by Isaac New­ton are im­mutable. We all know that. Even I know that So af­ter such giddy heights as the pre­vi­ous week, come down we did. And come down we did. Hard. The Riv Rap­tors got a lit­tle too cocky af­ter their (al­right, our) tri­umphant tram­po­line dodge­ball win in round one.

We were clearly the ones who would be get­ting a small pic­ture in the Riv sports pages as some­thing no-one else will ever achieve – in­au­gu­ral win­ners of the twin towns’ dodge­ball cham­pi­onship. But we weren’t ex­pect­ing the CCCs. A bunch of un­knowns whose weird name is ex­plained by its mem­ber­ship makeup – chi­ro­prac­tors, chefs and car­a­van park own­ers.

And we got brought back to earth with a bit of a thud (al­right, we got slaugh­tered).

Much to our em­bar­rass­ment the game, sched­uled to run 30 min­utes, was all over in about 12, but still an eter­nity dur­ing which we were made to look sloth-like, un­co­or­di­nated and down­right out of our league.

To be fair, we were miss­ing three play­ers and still a lit­tle sore af­ter our first game.

Don’t dare sug­gest that’s no ex­cuse be­cause it is the one with which I am go­ing.

Although it was a dis­ap­point­ing loss, I can report I came out of it feel­ing pretty good.

Prob­a­bly be­cause I was laugh­ing so hard at my team­mates get­ting thumped; time and time again, with a ball.

I’ve al­ways been a fan of slap­stick com­edy and other peo­ple’s mis­for­tune is just too good an op­por­tu­nity not to laugh at.

I’m pretty sure I got knocked out a cou­ple of times while I was laugh­ing at other peo­ple’s ex­pense.

An­other rea­son I wasn’t too cut up about our loss was my im­pres­sive strik­ing abil­i­ties.

I guess all that tar­get prac­tice at my sis­ters when we were young has paid off.

I man­aged to whack a few of the team’s best play­ers dur­ing my oc­ca­sional bursts of en­ergy so I wouldn’t be at all sur­prised if I was up for player of the week.

If not, I’ll have to bet­ter my skills by prac­tic­ing on my daugh­ters as fill-ins for my sis­ters.

As it’s winter they won’t look out of place in sev­eral lay­ers of thick clothes, an equally thick beanie and pos­si­bly (al­right, cer­tainly) a mouth-guard each and let them loose in the back­yard.

And with a thick scarf wrapped around their faces will help muf­fle any screams.

So just a heads up to my neigh­bours: if you hear a lot of ‘ex­cite­ment’ and whack­ing noises fol­lowed by muf­fled ap­peals for aid; there will be no need to call child ser­vices.

Af­ter all, it is good for them to get some ex­er­cise and the faster they can ser­pen­tine the safer they will be, er, I mean the fit­ter they will be.

And let’s be honest, it’s all just about fun, isn’t it?

You don’t have to win every­thing, do you?

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