The Sunday Mail (Queensland)

MICHELLE COLLINS

- Joke of the week wins a gift to the value of $10. Send entries to Good Mail, GPO Box 130, Brisbane 4001; fax to 3666 6787; or email michelle.collins@news.com.au

We’ve heard this story from a reliable source. Bloke in his 90s recently found himself locked in the loo. He shouted out to a neighbour who then called the police who came to his rescue. Coppers went back to check on him a few days later and he proudly steered them to the dunny where he announced he’d taken steps to make sure he would never be as helpless again. They expected to see he had taken the door off or at least disabled the lock. No. There beside the porcelain was a bottle of water and two tins of baked beans. Rochedale South reader tells us he heard a radio weather report last Sunday which revealed that the weather was “warming up” because “the sun was out”. Most childcare centres require parents to sign an incident report if there has been a mishap involving their child during the day – regardless of whether their offspring was the victim or the perpetrato­r. One Sunshine Coast mum recently had to sign two in one day – one for her daughter who had pushed over another child, and the second for her son, who was the kid on the receiving end. Far north correspond­ent has found hidden in the back of a bookcase a copy of Devil’s Dictionary, a satirical dictionary written by American journalist and author Ambrose Bierce. He particular­ly liked the definition of karate. “A form of self defence where men and women spend many years learning to use their hands and feet to make the worst movies ever seen.” Anyone who has ever been stuck in a round in a pub knows you end up drinking more because it seems rude to leave before it’s your turn to buy. But now a researcher from the Griffith Business School has found drinking in rounds significan­tly speeds up the rate of consumptio­n, as does drinking through a straw. Just some trivia abut the upcoming season of Baz Luhrmann’s stage show Strictly Ballroom. The cast go through five litres of spray tan each week, there are 745m of coloured ostrich feather used in the show and 208,800 diamantés on the stage. We’ve all seen those warnings on packets of fish fingers: Contains fish. But one reader tells us her frozen salmon fillets had a contents list that read: Atlantic salmon, contains fish. Who needs an excuse. Sign outside Bowen Hills coffee shop read: “I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere.” We love companies with a sense of humour, Brisbane rubbish removal business advertises that “satisfacti­on guaranteed or twice your rubbish back!” Deception Bay lady tells us that her bathroom scales were starting to look a bit worn so she treated herself to a new set. When she tried them though the new scales weighed an extra 3kg. Needless to say they went back in the box and she is sticking with her old ones. JOKE OF THE WEEK Two psychother­apists pass each other in the hallway. The first says to the second: “Hello!” The second smiles back nervously and half nods his head. When he is comfortabl­y out of earshot, the first psychologi­st mumbles, “God, I wonder what that was all about?”

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