Stay cool when kids push your but­tons

THE DILEMMA: My kids play up con­stantly but I’m not sure how to get them to stop

The Sunday Mail (Queensland) - - NEWS -

ELISHA: We dis­ci­pline our kids by tak­ing away their spe­cial time which is a cer­tain amount of time – usu­ally 20 min­utes – that we give our kids each day 100 per cent ded­i­cated to what they want to do – dis­trac­tion

DANI: We didn’t want to be par­ents who re­sort to bribery, but that is es­sen­tially our main form of dis­ci­pline. It mostly works a treat although ev­ery now and then our daugh­ter out­smarts us. What she loves most is watch­ing Peter Rab­bit. So if we threaten to pre­vent her from watch­ing it, she’ll usu­ally do as she’s asked. Ev­ery now and then when we try to bribe her, she de­cides that she doesn’t like Peter Rab­bit any­more and car­ries on do­ing what­ever it was we were try­ing to get her to stop.

NI­CO­LAS:

The best dis­ci­pline I find is to sim­ply ig­nore our daugh­ter. Gen­er­ally she is seeking a re­ac­tion which, if she gets our at­ten­tion, is an accidental re­ward.

DANI: One of the im­por­tant things to re­mem­ber about dis­ci­pline is that chil­dren will model our be­hav­iour. So how­ever we treat them when we are mad is prob­a­bly how they will treat oth­ers.

NI­CO­LAS: Ab­so­lutely. The prob­lem we have nowa­days in so­ci­ety is that (men in par­tic­u­lar) have only one emo­tion for all emo­tions which is an­gry. So when they are upset their re­sponse is anger. We en­cour­age our daugh­ter to em­brace her emo­tions, be it an­gry, sad, tired, happy. And we talk her through them. I like to get down to her level and ex­plain she is al­lowed to be sad, an­gry, hurt and talk through why she feels that way. I strongly dis­agree with peo­ple telling their chil­dren to “man up” “suck it up”, “get over it”.

DANI: I’m a big fan of say­ing “I’m very upset with you right now. I’m go­ing to walk away and calm down and we can talk about this a bit later on.”

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