I can’t find a bucket of love for

The Sunday Telegraph (Sydney) - - OPINION -

LAST week I found my­self in­fu­ri­ated by com­pa­nies try­ing to cash in on Mother’s Day (guilt) by sug­gest­ing we buy such ridicu­lous items as the Rrated bondage-a-thon film 50 Shades Freed on DVD.

It ap­pears we need some kind of safe word to stop peo­ple flog­ging us rub­bish that has noth­ing to do with the ac­tual oc­ca­sion.

So ob­vi­ously this week I have been des­per­ately try­ing to avoid all the pa­thetic at­tempts to make us buy Prince Harry and Meghan Markle-themed sou­venirs.

There’s noth­ing wrong with a royal wed­ding.

Good­ness knows we need a dis­trac­tion from all the real is­sues in this of­ten ugly world.

Be­sides, now that Queen El­iz­a­beth is — let’s face it — get­ting on a bit, there’s a need for a few ex­tra royals around to cut the rib­bons and make the speeches.

And any­thing that takes the fo­cus off a loom­ing King Charles III and Queen Camilla has to be a good thing.

Still, I do feel a bit bet­ter about Camilla since she was pic­tured look­ing bored out of her skull by the mind-numb­ing Com­mon­wealth Games open­ing cer­e­mony.

Al­though, while the cam­eras were fo­cused on her, they did miss all those African ath­letes dis­ap­pear­ing out of the side gate in a bid for free­dom.

Any­way, the wed­ding means royal im­per­son­ators can get out into the fresh air and dust off their dodgy acts.

Al­though some of the ones I’ve seen on break­fast TV need to work on their rou­tine a lit­tle more. Maybe an ac­tual English ac­cent for a start?

But I find the sou­venirs


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