All this ridicu­lous royal wed­ding mem­o­ra­bilia

The Sunday Telegraph (Sydney) - - OPINION -

more an­noy­ing than the bloke who once met Meghan for five min­utes in Toronto a decade ago who is now telling the world he’s mor­tally in­sulted he didn’t score an in­vite to the nup­tials.

I ex­pected to see Meghan and Harry plates. Al­though I do feel a lit­tle un­cer­tain about a sou­venir that in­vites us to re­peat­edly scrape sharp metal ob­jects across their faces.

The royal beer is even use­ful and makes more sense the more of it you drink.

Then we move into the realm of colour­ing-in books, de­signed to buy into the whole Dis­ney princess fan­tasy and have girls imag­in­ing that one day their prince could come and sweep them off their feet.

There’s a mo­ti­va­tional mes­sage for the lit­tle girls of Aus­tralia. I think it’s the wakeup call they needed. All those tod­dlers must get off their butts and start plan­ning now if they want to bag a prince.

There’s al­ready Prince Ge­orge and Prince Louis up for grabs and Harry and Meghan might pro­duce a few ex­tras.

You can’t just ex­pect to waltz into a Syd­ney pub and walk out with a royal hus­band.

(Well, OK, Mary Don­ald­son did that but you’re more likely to end up with a frog than an­other Prince Fred­erik).

But, se­ri­ously, it’s ridicu­lous. There doesn’t ap­pear to be any sug­ges­tion that lit­tle boys need to start dream­ing of the day they might marry Princess Char­lotte.

Why not? Surely it would beat dig­ging ditches or sit­ting in a call cen­tre, help­ing be­wil­dered se­niors with their com­puter prob­lems?

Why is there no sou­venirs to tempt them into a life of royal hus­bandry? Look at Prince Philip. There’s an ex­am­ple to fol­low. Al­though, didn’t he chuck a tantrum at giv­ing up his sur­name? Oops. Think I’ve just de­stroyed my ar­gu­ment.

Any­way, the sou­venir I’m most up­set about is the com­mem­o­ra­tive KFC bucket.

Not be­cause it’s stupid, point­less or ridicu­lous — al­though it is.

Mainly be­cause it’s not avail­able here and I could re­ally go for some fried chicken to chase down those Wind­sor Knot beers.

The com­mem­o­ra­tive KFC chicken bucket is just gold.

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