The Sunday Telegraph (Sydney) - - NEWS -

We take a look at the 50 songs that make you ask: Did he just say that?

We all have our list of favourite lyrics, the ones that touch us, but what about the ones that just aren’t quite right for a num­ber of lev­els, writes CAMERON ADAMS. Some­times the words can be cheesy, sex­ist, clumsy, of­fen­sive or gram­mat­i­cally in­cor­rect. But not every song­writer is both­ered about mak­ing worst lyric lists. Daniel Johns is amused Sil­ver­chair’s 1994 global hit To­mor­row is reg­u­larly sin­gled out for the non­sen­si­cal line “there’s no bath­room and there is no sink, the wa­ter out of the tap is very hard to drink”. “I to­tally agree, it’s a f---ing ter­ri­ble lyric,” Johns told The Sun­day Tele­graph. “But I was 13 or 14, at the time it was all right. It sold some records. I def­i­nitely wouldn’t write that now, but I was just a kid. I’m not of­fended, I think it’s funny.” Here are more of the worst lyrics of all time.

1 “Poopy-di scoop scoop­diddy-whoop. Whoopdi-scoop-di-poop. Poop-di-scoopty. Scoopty-whoop.”

Kanye West — Lift Your­self We all know there’s no be­gin­ning to the tal­ents of his in­de­pen­dent film­maker wife. But un­til now Kanye has been the cre­ative in that fam­ily. Maybe now he’s writ­ing lyrics to en­ter­tain his young chil­dren. Or maybe he’s just trolling ev­ery­one.

2“I’m as se­ri­ous as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer”

Snap—Rhythm is a Dancer Words fail us. Great tune though.

3“Do you ever feel like a plas­tic bag?”

Katy Perry — Fire­work When metaphors go hor­ri­bly wrong.

4“I only wanna die alive, never at the hands of a bro­ken heart. Don’t wanna hear you lie tonight, now that I’ve be­come who I re­ally are.”

Ari­ana Grande — Break Free Th­ese are the ac­tual lyrics, it’s not a typo. Die alive? Who I re­ally are?

5““There’s There’s no bath­room and there is no sink, the wa­ter out of the tap is very hard to drink.”

Sil­ver­chair — To­mor­row When your clunky teenage po­etry makes you a mil­lion­aire and sets you up for life.

6“T to the A to the ST E Y, girl you tasty”

Fergie — Tasty Black Eyed Pea Fergie needed to drop an E here. Spelling not her strong point.

7“I saw, I came, I con­quered. Or should I say, I saw, I con­quered, I came.”

Pit­bull — Fire­ball Won­der if Pit­bull would be so pop­u­lar with the ladies if he wasn’t rich and fa­mous?

8“One life, two worlds — English, Span­ish. One night, two girls — English, Span­ish.”

Pit­bull — Last Night Now you know why he calls him­self Mr World­wide.

9“What rhymes with hug me?’’

Robin Thicke — Blurred Lines This was the one bit of the song that no­body tried to claim in the on­go­ing law­suits over its cre­ation.

10 “Slowly walk­ing down the hall, faster than a can­non­ball.”

Oa­sis — Cham­pagne Su­per­nova Noel Gal­lagher ad­mits this was one of many songs writ­ten in an al­tered state, and says can­non­ball was the first word that came to mind that rhymed with hall. Still, what a song.

11 ““Monday, Monday, Tues­day, Wed­nes­day and Thurs­day, Fri­day, Satur­day, Satur­day to Sun­day”

Black Eyed Peas — I Gotta Feel­ing Will I Am from the Black Eyed Peas is a se­rial of­fender, here chan­nelling Eight Days a Week

12 ““I I don’t want to see a ghost, it’s the sight that I fear the most, I’d rather have a piece of toast.”

Des’Ree — Life Of­ten voted the worst song of all time, and it’s hard to go past it. The cho­rus is lit­er­ally the word ‘life’ re­peated over and over.

13 ““Now Now you get to watch her leave out the win­dow, guess that’s why they call it win­dow pane.”

Eminem — Love the Way You Lie When you shoe­horn a metaphor into a place it doesn’t quite fit, but hey …

14 “I don’t like ci­ties, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. Other ci­ties al­ways make me mad, other places make me sad. No other city ever made me glad ex­cept New York.”

Madonna — I Love New York No of­fence to Madonna, but this feels a lit­tle bit like a first draft that was never tweaked

15 “A hun­dred and five is the num­ber that comes to my head when I think of all the years I wanna be with you.”

Jason Derulo — Marry Me Ten out of 10 for sen sen­ti­ment, zero out of 10 for maths

16 “My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front.”

Black Eyed Peas — My Humps Will I Am does it again. And again. And again. This was a No.1 song in Aus­tralia.

17 “We sex again in the morn­ing, your breas­t­ases is my break­fast.”

Bey­once & Jay- Z — Drunk i n Love Breas­t­ases? Maybe this t is why Solange went postal in that el­e­va­tor. el­e­vato

18 “I met a girl, she asked me my name and I told her what it was.”

Ra­zorlight — Some­where Else Some lyrics just look re­ally ba­sic writ­ten down.

19 “Swag, swag, swag on you, chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fon­due.”

Justin Bieber — Boyfriend Be­lieve it or not, this was one of the first hits the Bieb got a co-writ­ing credit on

20 “Lucky that my breasts are small and hum­ble, so you don’t con­fuse them with moun­tains.”

Shakira — When­ever Wher­ever Lost in trans­la­tion or a stroke of ge­nius? You be the judge.


If the light is off, then it isn’t on.”

Hi­lary Duff — so yes­ter­day

you can’t ar­gue with the Duffmeis­ter’s logic.

22“And if I meet you, what if I eat you? I am the tiger.”

Abba — Tiger The mu­si­cal equiv­a­lent of method act­ing

23 “A mole, dig­ging in a hole, dig­ging up my soul now, go­ing down, ex­ca­va­tion.”

U2 - El­e­va­tion They are some in­cred­i­ble U2 lyrics Then there’s th­ese ones.


Is it weird that your bra re­minds me of a Katy Perry song?”

Jason Derulo — Trum­pets

it is a lit­tle pe­cu­liar, Jase.

25“Sarah, won’t you tell me your name.”

Eskimo Joe — Sarah This is the open­ing line. To be fair, it im­proves a lot af­ter that.

26 “You take my body, I give you heat. You say you’re hun­gry, I give you meat.”

Queen — Get Down Make Love Never let it be said Fred­die Mer­cury was not an in­cred­i­bly gen­er­ous man.

27 “We can do it ’til we both wake up.”

Color Me Badd — I Wanna Sex You Up

What? 28 “Don’t deny your man’s de­sire, you’d be a fool to stop this tide. Spread your wings and let me come in­side. Don’t say a word my vir­gin child, just let your in­hi­bi­tions run wild, the se­cret is about to un­fold up­stairs be­fore the night’s too old.”

Rod Ste­wart — Tonight’s the Night There are creepy things you could say in 1976 that would rightly not fly in 2018. See also Dragon’s Are You Old Enough and the Knack’s My Sharona.

29 “Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow. Honey got some boo­bies like wow oh wow.”

Usher — OMG Writ­ten by Mr Will I Am, the Dr Seuss of mod­ern pop.

30 “I pick you up, we go cook in the night, I lay you down and put some cream on your pie.”

Noise­works — Hot Chilli Wo­man The b-side of this 1991 was called Poon­tang. Se­ri­ously.

Des­tiny’s Child — Cater 2U Not sure whether Bey­once would still sing th­ese lyrics.

32 “So why you act­ing like you’re tough, but now I thought you’d had enough, don’t you get tired of be­ing rude, aww, come and give me a hug, dude.”

Jessie J — It’s My Party When you’re re­ally strug­gling to get your lyrics to scan and need a word to rhyme with rude.

33 “I just or­dered sushi from Ja­pan, now your bitch wanna kick it Jackie Chan.”

Tiesto & Post Malone — Jackie Chan Fresh con­tent from rap­per Post Malone. Not sure what’s hap­pen­ing here but he knows Jackie Chan is Chi­nese, yeah?

Pit­bull — Give Me Every­thing Ei­ther Pit­bull couldn’t find an­other word to rhyme with Ko­dak, or he was get­ting paid per men­tion of the camera brand. This launched an ac­tual phe­nom­e­non called ‘Pit­bull rhyming’.

35 “Here comes love, it’s like honey, you can’t buy it with money.”

New Or­der — Crys­tal To be fair, since this song was a hit, have you seen that Manuka honey that costs over $100?

“O l Van Halen — Why Can’t This Be Love?

David Lee Roth must have loved see­ing his re­place­ment Sammy Hagar cough up this pud­dledeep lyric

37 “

Liv­ing his life one day at a time and show­ing him­self a re­ally good time.”

Christo­pher Cross — Arthur’s Theme Three of the most acclaimed song­writ­ers ever — Burt Bacharach, Ca­role Bayer Sager and our own Peter Allen — worked on this song. And no one could think of an­other word to rhyme with ‘time’.

38 “Sad­ness is beau­ti­ful, lone­li­ness is trag­i­cal.”

Back­street Boys — Shape Of My Heart Break­ing records, top­ping charts and in­vent­ing words — the Back­street Boys changed the world.

39 “I’m sorry that I doubted you, I was so un­fair. You were in a car crash, and you lost your hair. “

The Bea­tles — Don’t Pass Me By The first solo com­po­si­tion by Ringo Starr, we’ll just leave that there.

40 “

She’s just like wasabi, looks like a Bar­bie, she’s just too hot for me.”

Lee Hard­ing — Wasabi Re­mem­ber the punk chap from Aus­tralian Idol? Or this line from a No.1 song from 2005? No?

41 “I could see your voice, but I could never hear it.”

Jus­tice Crew — Rise and Fall This was the last hit by the dancers-turned-singers. Co­in­ci­dence?

42 “War is stupid and peo­ple are stupid.”

Cul­ture Club — The War Song Look, he’s got a point, but Boy George has been more elo­quent than this 1984 hit.

43 “Don’t say you’re easy on me, you’re about as easy as a nu­clear war.”

Du­ran Du­ran — Is There Some­thing I Should Know

Ex­treme metaphors, 1983 style.

44 “When I got home I tend to close the door.”

Sam Smith — Money On My Mind The UK chart top­per fires off warn­ing shots to po­ten­tial thieves.

45 “The women come around every time I’m pourin’ shots, their panties hit the ground every time I give ‘em shots. Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots. Shots shots shots shots shots. Shots shots shots shots shots.”

LMFAO — Shots From the minds of Red Foo and Lil Jon, who say the word ‘shots’ 77 times in this song that went dou­ble plat­inum in Aus­tralia in 2009.

46 “I gave you the fin­ger, you took me to din­ner. I wanna have your baby, gotta have you like crazy and iron your shirts.”

Geri Hal­li­well — Half of Me The song she wrote in Aus­tralia, where it peaked at No.281. You have this to thank for any fu­ture Spice Girls re­for­ma­tion.

47 “Now we talk­ing astrol­ogy, get­ting our nails did, all Ja­panese-y. Day drink­ing at the Wild­cats, suck­ing real bad at Mariah Carey-oke.”

Katy Perry — This I s How We Do Carey-oke? Ja­panese-y? Katy Perry was lucky she re­leased this be­fore her cur­rent

ca­reer slump.

48 “Once there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the change room. But when they fi­nally made her they saw birth­marks all over her body. She couldn’t quite ex­plain it, they’d al­ways just been there.”

Crash Test Dum­mies — Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Things that make you go mmm mmm mmm mmm.

49 “What does the fox say? Ring ding ding ding din­geringed­ing! Ger­ing ding ding ding din­geringed­ing!”

Ylvis — The Fox Still, it was bet­ter than what Crazy Frog said.

50 “

I smell like I sound.”

Du­ran Du­ran — Hun­gry Like the Wolf Thirty six years on, this re­mains a chin-scratcher.

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