WORST SONG LYRICS
We take a look at the 50 songs that make you ask: Did he just say that?
We all have our list of favourite lyrics, the ones that touch us, but what about the ones that just aren’t quite right for a number of levels, writes CAMERON ADAMS. Sometimes the words can be cheesy, sexist, clumsy, offensive or grammatically incorrect. But not every songwriter is bothered about making worst lyric lists. Daniel Johns is amused Silverchair’s 1994 global hit Tomorrow is regularly singled out for the nonsensical line “there’s no bathroom and there is no sink, the water out of the tap is very hard to drink”. “I totally agree, it’s a f---ing terrible lyric,” Johns told The Sunday Telegraph. “But I was 13 or 14, at the time it was all right. It sold some records. I definitely wouldn’t write that now, but I was just a kid. I’m not offended, I think it’s funny.” Here are more of the worst lyrics of all time.
1 “Poopy-di scoop scoopdiddy-whoop. Whoopdi-scoop-di-poop. Poop-di-scoopty. Scoopty-whoop.”
Kanye West — Lift Yourself We all know there’s no beginning to the talents of his independent filmmaker wife. But until now Kanye has been the creative in that family. Maybe now he’s writing lyrics to entertain his young children. Or maybe he’s just trolling everyone.
2“I’m as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer”
Snap—Rhythm is a Dancer Words fail us. Great tune though.
3“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?”
Katy Perry — Firework When metaphors go horribly wrong.
4“I only wanna die alive, never at the hands of a broken heart. Don’t wanna hear you lie tonight, now that I’ve become who I really are.”
Ariana Grande — Break Free These are the actual lyrics, it’s not a typo. Die alive? Who I really are?
5““There’s There’s no bathroom and there is no sink, the water out of the tap is very hard to drink.”
Silverchair — Tomorrow When your clunky teenage poetry makes you a millionaire and sets you up for life.
6“T to the A to the ST E Y, girl you tasty”
Fergie — Tasty Black Eyed Pea Fergie needed to drop an E here. Spelling not her strong point.
7“I saw, I came, I conquered. Or should I say, I saw, I conquered, I came.”
Pitbull — Fireball Wonder if Pitbull would be so popular with the ladies if he wasn’t rich and famous?
8“One life, two worlds — English, Spanish. One night, two girls — English, Spanish.”
Pitbull — Last Night Now you know why he calls himself Mr Worldwide.
9“What rhymes with hug me?’’
Robin Thicke — Blurred Lines This was the one bit of the song that nobody tried to claim in the ongoing lawsuits over its creation.
10 “Slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball.”
Oasis — Champagne Supernova Noel Gallagher admits this was one of many songs written in an altered state, and says cannonball was the first word that came to mind that rhymed with hall. Still, what a song.
11 ““Monday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday”
Black Eyed Peas — I Gotta Feeling Will I Am from the Black Eyed Peas is a serial offender, here channelling Eight Days a Week
12 ““I I don’t want to see a ghost, it’s the sight that I fear the most, I’d rather have a piece of toast.”
Des’Ree — Life Often voted the worst song of all time, and it’s hard to go past it. The chorus is literally the word ‘life’ repeated over and over.
13 ““Now Now you get to watch her leave out the window, guess that’s why they call it window pane.”
Eminem — Love the Way You Lie When you shoehorn a metaphor into a place it doesn’t quite fit, but hey …
14 “I don’t like cities, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. Other cities always make me mad, other places make me sad. No other city ever made me glad except New York.”
Madonna — I Love New York No offence to Madonna, but this feels a little bit like a first draft that was never tweaked
15 “A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head when I think of all the years I wanna be with you.”
Jason Derulo — Marry Me Ten out of 10 for sen sentiment, zero out of 10 for maths
16 “My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front.”
Black Eyed Peas — My Humps Will I Am does it again. And again. And again. This was a No.1 song in Australia.
17 “We sex again in the morning, your breastases is my breakfast.”
Beyonce & Jay- Z — Drunk i n Love Breastases? Maybe this t is why Solange went postal in that elevator. elevato
18 “I met a girl, she asked me my name and I told her what it was.”
Razorlight — Somewhere Else Some lyrics just look really basic written down.
19 “Swag, swag, swag on you, chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.”
Justin Bieber — Boyfriend Believe it or not, this was one of the first hits the Bieb got a co-writing credit on
20 “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains.”
Shakira — Whenever Wherever Lost in translation or a stroke of genius? You be the judge.
If the light is off, then it isn’t on.”
Hilary Duff — so yesterday
you can’t argue with the Duffmeister’s logic.
22“And if I meet you, what if I eat you? I am the tiger.”
Abba — Tiger The musical equivalent of method acting
23 “A mole, digging in a hole, digging up my soul now, going down, excavation.”
U2 - Elevation They are some incredible U2 lyrics Then there’s these ones.
Is it weird that your bra reminds me of a Katy Perry song?”
Jason Derulo — Trumpets
it is a little peculiar, Jase.
25“Sarah, won’t you tell me your name.”
Eskimo Joe — Sarah This is the opening line. To be fair, it improves a lot after that.
26 “You take my body, I give you heat. You say you’re hungry, I give you meat.”
Queen — Get Down Make Love Never let it be said Freddie Mercury was not an incredibly generous man.
27 “We can do it ’til we both wake up.”
Color Me Badd — I Wanna Sex You Up
What? 28 “Don’t deny your man’s desire, you’d be a fool to stop this tide. Spread your wings and let me come inside. Don’t say a word my virgin child, just let your inhibitions run wild, the secret is about to unfold upstairs before the night’s too old.”
Rod Stewart — Tonight’s the Night There are creepy things you could say in 1976 that would rightly not fly in 2018. See also Dragon’s Are You Old Enough and the Knack’s My Sharona.
29 “Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow. Honey got some boobies like wow oh wow.”
Usher — OMG Written by Mr Will I Am, the Dr Seuss of modern pop.
30 “I pick you up, we go cook in the night, I lay you down and put some cream on your pie.”
Noiseworks — Hot Chilli Woman The b-side of this 1991 was called Poontang. Seriously.
Destiny’s Child — Cater 2U Not sure whether Beyonce would still sing these lyrics.
32 “So why you acting like you’re tough, but now I thought you’d had enough, don’t you get tired of being rude, aww, come and give me a hug, dude.”
Jessie J — It’s My Party When you’re really struggling to get your lyrics to scan and need a word to rhyme with rude.
33 “I just ordered sushi from Japan, now your bitch wanna kick it Jackie Chan.”
Tiesto & Post Malone — Jackie Chan Fresh content from rapper Post Malone. Not sure what’s happening here but he knows Jackie Chan is Chinese, yeah?
Pitbull — Give Me Everything Either Pitbull couldn’t find another word to rhyme with Kodak, or he was getting paid per mention of the camera brand. This launched an actual phenomenon called ‘Pitbull rhyming’.
35 “Here comes love, it’s like honey, you can’t buy it with money.”
New Order — Crystal To be fair, since this song was a hit, have you seen that Manuka honey that costs over $100?
“O l Van Halen — Why Can’t This Be Love?
David Lee Roth must have loved seeing his replacement Sammy Hagar cough up this puddledeep lyric
Living his life one day at a time and showing himself a really good time.”
Christopher Cross — Arthur’s Theme Three of the most acclaimed songwriters ever — Burt Bacharach, Carole Bayer Sager and our own Peter Allen — worked on this song. And no one could think of another word to rhyme with ‘time’.
38 “Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical.”
Backstreet Boys — Shape Of My Heart Breaking records, topping charts and inventing words — the Backstreet Boys changed the world.
39 “I’m sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair. You were in a car crash, and you lost your hair. “
The Beatles — Don’t Pass Me By The first solo composition by Ringo Starr, we’ll just leave that there.
She’s just like wasabi, looks like a Barbie, she’s just too hot for me.”
Lee Harding — Wasabi Remember the punk chap from Australian Idol? Or this line from a No.1 song from 2005? No?
41 “I could see your voice, but I could never hear it.”
Justice Crew — Rise and Fall This was the last hit by the dancers-turned-singers. Coincidence?
42 “War is stupid and people are stupid.”
Culture Club — The War Song Look, he’s got a point, but Boy George has been more eloquent than this 1984 hit.
43 “Don’t say you’re easy on me, you’re about as easy as a nuclear war.”
Duran Duran — Is There Something I Should Know
Extreme metaphors, 1983 style.
44 “When I got home I tend to close the door.”
Sam Smith — Money On My Mind The UK chart topper fires off warning shots to potential thieves.
45 “The women come around every time I’m pourin’ shots, their panties hit the ground every time I give ‘em shots. Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots. Shots shots shots shots shots. Shots shots shots shots shots.”
LMFAO — Shots From the minds of Red Foo and Lil Jon, who say the word ‘shots’ 77 times in this song that went double platinum in Australia in 2009.
46 “I gave you the finger, you took me to dinner. I wanna have your baby, gotta have you like crazy and iron your shirts.”
Geri Halliwell — Half of Me The song she wrote in Australia, where it peaked at No.281. You have this to thank for any future Spice Girls reformation.
47 “Now we talking astrology, getting our nails did, all Japanese-y. Day drinking at the Wildcats, sucking real bad at Mariah Carey-oke.”
Katy Perry — This I s How We Do Carey-oke? Japanese-y? Katy Perry was lucky she released this before her current
48 “Once there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the change room. But when they finally made her they saw birthmarks all over her body. She couldn’t quite explain it, they’d always just been there.”
Crash Test Dummies — Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Things that make you go mmm mmm mmm mmm.
49 “What does the fox say? Ring ding ding ding dingeringeding! Gering ding ding ding dingeringeding!”
Ylvis — The Fox Still, it was better than what Crazy Frog said.
I smell like I sound.”
Duran Duran — Hungry Like the Wolf Thirty six years on, this remains a chin-scratcher.