Lazy reboots in need of Monty Python’s foot
Everyone loves recycling. Even the most rabid developer, who thinks polar bears are a bunch of freeloading whingers that should just use their royalties from all those David Attenborough documentaries and buy a giant ice-making machine, are into recycling.
After all, their ideas are right from the ’50s. The 1850s, at least.
But nobody is more into recycling than Hollywood.
There are greenies living up a tree and eating only their own armpit fungus who are less into recycling than some of the major studios.
Judging by the array of films bombarding us at the moment, there is nothing that Hollywood won’t
reuse or, to borrow their expression, reboot.
Films such as Dark Phoenix, which is actually a reboot of a reboot. Not only have they rebooted the cast, they rebooted the story as well. And it was expected to be a springboard for yet another reboot of the X-Men.
But with all that booting going on, they forgot to give the film a sole. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I find rebooting an apt expression. It conjures up an image of something battered, reeking of dog poop and rampant tinea, which sums up the whole process.
Rather than use an original idea, just recycle an old one and expect the suckers — sorry, the paying public — to go along because they are curious and nostalgic.
For every time it works — look at Star Trek — there are several disasters.
For me, Terminator Genesys was the biggest. I hated how it crapped all over our memories of the brilliant 1984 original.
Now James Cameron is attempting to reboot the series yet again, this time me bringing back Linda inda Hamilton as Sarah Connor.
I’m more terrified of this going wrong than I am of an all-powerful computer intelligence taking ing over the world.
And this is why rebooting is such a dumb idea. Studio executives think rebooting is a no-brainer. (Well, they would, given so few of them have brains, a zombie could starve to death in one of their boardrooms.) They figure enough fans of the old idea will go along that they can make their money back. But a lack lacklustre reboot just m makes fans angry.
In the spirit of h helpfulness, h however, I am offering a suggestion to all those rebootmad studio executives. exe (And (A no, it doesn’t do involve a boot up the arse, although that is tempting.) I would like to take some guidance from those wise minds at Monty Python, which means Hollywood should love this, because it is recycling another idea.
Python famously had a giant cartoon foot that would land, with a strange farting noise, on anything from the title to a sketch that needed to end.
Any rebooting ideas need to get past the big foot. The handful of intelligent, witty ones would be kicked forward into production. The stupid ones would be stamped on, because a big foot can take care of a bad reboot.
Who could do this? Well, I am willing to put myself forward as Bigfoot. Yes, I know that title means I can’t travel to America as I would instantly be hunted by inbred rednecks, but if it means no more stupid reboots, that’s a small price to pay.
Sophie Turner in Dark Phoenix.