CYCLISTS END UP IN BIT OF A FLAP

EVER had a cockatoo chew on your handlebars? No, that’s not a sleazy euphemism, but a sad reality that riders in the Croc Trophy had to deal with this week. Organisers, god bless ‘em, thought it quaint to send those crazy enough to scorch down hills on nothing but two wheels and a disbelief in gravity to Cairns Zoom and Wildlife Dome. There, our car-free friends endured a series of comical, animal-related incidents, including chewed handlebars and a camera lens spilt in to a croc enclosure. Sport, much to our amusement, is familiar with animal chaos over the years. You know your team is going no good when the biggest highlight of a home game is a snake. Like the one that crawled along the field at a Gold Coast Titans home game two years ago. Inside pass has gotta be honest: we don’t know if it was a mongoose, a rat, a possum or Donald Trump’s hair piece, but the thing that ran on to a soccer pitch and bit two players in 2013 scares the sheen off our 2017 Volvo S90 luxury sedan. When a seagull was struck in the outfield in a Big Bash League cricket match last year, we feared the worst – and wondered what roast bird would taste like. Sadly, we never got an answer to question No.2, with our feathered, endothermic vertebraic friend springing back to life and flying off. Ralf Schumacher enjoyed the biggest moment of his F1 career when he nearly struck a squirrel on the track in Montreal in 2007.