Keep cool ... if you can

The Weekend Post - - Views -

Good evening view­ers, well it was an­other scorcher to­day. It re­ally was un­be­liev­able. Al­most as un­be­liev­able as Mal­colm Turn­bull’s pledge to walk away from pol­i­tics rather than hang around like a mis­er­able ghost. There were no sur­prises to­day; the fur­nace we’ve been melt­ing in for the past cou­ple of weeks re­mained di­alled up and it looks like an­other bat-killer to­day. That should make Kennedy MP Bob Kat­ter happy and cause crit­ter lovers to screech louder than a fly­ing fox colony in the Cairns CBD on a warm sum­mer’s night. How­ever, the bat clean-up is in hand so the foul stench should be un­der control and res­i­dent Philippa Schroor at Ed­mon­ton can hope­fully live in her home with­out gag­ging. As you can see on the map this evening folks, the weather has been a bit rough up on the Table­lands again. Hail the size of my un­cle’s gi­ant dou­ble-headed pineap­ple in In­n­is­fail have been land­ing in some parts and winds stronger than what comes out of an over-opin­ion­ated politi­cian’s mouth have been blow­ing over tram­po­lines and Aunty Ma­bel’s chook pen.

So what has been caus­ing this heat­wave? Well, de­pends on who you lis­ten to. I’ve had ad­vice in the weather of­fice from ex­perts on my left who say we’re get­ting ev­ery­thing we de­serve right now and un­less we want to end up a gi­ant Townsville waste­land we need to turn off all our lights, eat din­ner off a banana leaf and visit the Reef to­day be­fore it shriv­els up and dies to­mor­row.

How­ever, I, like many weather watch­ers, am also be­ing shouted at by the ex­perts on my right, who are telling us we should crank up an­other coal-fired power sta­tion in Bunda St, ramp up plas­tic straw pro­duc­tion and tell ev­ery­one they’re a mob of flam­ing id­iots be­cause that’s our demo­cratic right.

So, it reached a top of Bloody Hot to­day with the ab­so­lute hu­mid­ity of Wet Soak­ing Blan­ket.

We think these con­di­tions will re­main for the rest of the week in ideal El Nino style, who was re­port­edly seen sip­ping pina co­ladas by the pool at the new Ri­ley ho­tel on the Es­planade. His pat­tern would be to book out in the next month or two with weather watch­ers hop­ing La Niña, who has been seen pack­ing her bags, ar­rives for a trop­i­cal hol­i­day.

Cy­clone Owen flirted with FNQ for a while but like most exes is keep­ing low and not en­gag­ing in any mean­ing­ful way.

Ul­ti­mately, you should be able to get on with your Christ­mas shop­ping in a pre­dictable heat-stressed fash­ion.

Well, that’s it for your re­port tonight view­ers. It prom­ises to be an­other hot one to­mor­row but like our coun­cil, just hang in and do ev­ery­thing you can to keep your cladding from catch­ing fire and ev­ery­thing will be cool.

Good night.

UL­TI­MATELY, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET ON WITH YOUR CHRIST­MAS SHOP­PING IN A PRE­DICTABLE HEAT-STRESSED FASH­ION.

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