Federal politics sucking us dry
REVOLTING images of a snake riddled with more than 500 bloodsucking ticks went viral on social media yesterday.
This poor carpet python had slid into a backyard water feature on the Gold Coast in an apparent effort to drown off the blanket of parasites feeding on its vital fluid.
They were everywhere, these entitled freeloaders – all curved fangs and engorged abdomens, glugging away, fat and lazy, spreading disease and itch until a brave herpetologist plucked them off and pickled them in a jar of metho.
While we’re on the topic of federal politics, how about that week just gone?
The pong of an election is already hanging heavy a full four months out from the anticipated May polling date.
Things are getting weird.
GREAT WHITE DOPE
Senator Fraser Anning, aka Steven Bradbury of the upper house, is having his moment in the spotlight after billing taxpayers almost $3000 so he could go to an extreme right-wing rally in Melbourne.
Attended by the kind of savants who espouse the Anzac spirit while issuing Nazi salutes and sniffing their fingers, it garnered plenty of media attention for the former One Nation candidate, former Katter’s Australian Party senator and now would-be party leader.
Gladstone-based Anning is capitalising on his notoriety.
Yesterday, newspapers published a notice of his application to register his own party, the Conservative Nationals. There has been no word yet from Australian Conservatives leader Senator Cory Bernardi but, with two parties so similarly titled, it could be very confusing for hard-right voters at the ballot box.
SCOMO’S CLODHOPPERS
Prime Minister Scott Morrison unwittingly became an object of derision after staffers turned a lovely family portrait into a blueprint for how not to use photoshop.
The PM was literally given two left feet by some touch-up novice who decided his shoes were too scruffy and needed to be replaced with plain white monstrosities straight out of a ’90s hip hop video.
Morrison played it cool and laughed off the ridiculousness, asking his department to leave his shoes alone and focus on thickening his hair next time around.
Still, it did not exactly fit in with the everyman schtick he has been playing up since taking the reins.
BARMY UNITED
The big-haired, makeup-heavy leader of 1980s shock rock group Twisted Sister had his lawyers send Clive Palmer a cease and desist letter over his use of the classic We’re Not Gonna Take It in political campaign ads.
What followed over the past week was a bizarre Twitter feud between the United Australia Party leader (and ex-MP/controversial mining magnate) and Dee Snyder.
Palmer called for Snyder’s visa to be cancelled ahead of his upcoming Australian tour of spoken-word gigs, and issued a media release claiming Twisted Sister had in fact stolen the song from 18th century Christmas carol O Come, All Ye Faithful.
Then he challenged Snyder to a sing-off on stage to let Australian audiences choose which version of the song they prefer – his, or Twisted Sisters’. The saga continues. And while we are still yonks away from an election, the United Australia Party yesterday took the staggeringly annoying step of sending out unsolicited campaign text messages to people all over Australia.
Messages in Victoria called for “fast trains to Melbourne”, while those in South Australia bagged the blackouts.
A few clicks down the road, the targeted campaign said “make Townsville great” by reducing tax by 20 per cent in regional areas.
People are sure to get sick of that.
THE PONG OF AN ELECTION IS ALREADY HANGING HEAVY A FULL FOUR MONTHS OUT FROM THE ANTICIPATED MAY POLLING DATE
BILL’S BIG BORING BUS
Labor has been happy to sit back and let the government eat itself, but Bill Shorten will get a chance to make a numpty of himself soon.
Bill’s Bus – his answer to the ScoMobile – is set to start touring the nation next week. There will be one major difference this time though – Shorten will actually be on this bus.