Slay the neg­a­tiv­ity

The Western Star - - Rural Weekly - The Re­silience Whis­perer DEN­NIS J HOIBERG

WHY are some peo­ple are so neg­a­tive?

How do they jus­tify be­ing neg­a­tive and crit­i­cal?

“Oh Den­nis, it’s hu­man na­ture” is the re­sponse I hear. Is it? And if so, why? Wouldn’t our re­la­tion­ships, fam­i­lies, busi­nesses and world be a bet­ter place if we were more pos­i­tive and con­struc­tive in our com­mu­ni­ca­tion, mind­set and be­hav­iour?

Maybe it’s some­thing to do with win­ter, but I am re­ally notic­ing the num­ber of neg­a­tive com­ments about peo­ple, the traf­fic, our civil lead­ers and so on.

Can we all try to be more pos­i­tive?

As al­ways, any form of change starts with the in­di­vid­ual – me.

To help peo­ple be more pos­i­tive in their com­mu­ni­ca­tion, I have de­vel­oped the Den in­di­ca­tor (based on Zen) that asks the ques­tion: Does it mat­ter? It can help you con­sider the im­pact of your thoughts and ac­tions on your life ex­pe­ri­ences.

My Den in­di­ca­tor is an equa­tion of pos­i­tive per­cep­tions/ex­pe­ri­ences (10) mi­nus the neg­a­tive per­cep­tions/ex­pe­ri­ences (scale of 1–10).

An ex­am­ple. That driver who cut into your traf­fic lane and caused you to brake sud­denly – where does it rate on the Den scale?

Does the potential dan­ger of hav­ing to brake sud­denly (the neg­a­tive) out­weigh the joy you have of driv­ing your car on a sunny day lis­ten­ing to your favourite mu­sic (the pos­i­tive)?

Stop and imag­ine where the rat­ing truly sits on the scale of a mi­nor in­con­ve­nience to cat­a­strophic ex­pe­ri­ences.

If the rat­ing is 5 or be­low, it’s a neg­a­tive ex­pe­ri­ence and needs to be seen as such. If, how­ever, the rat­ing is above a 5 then don’t worry about it, let it go and en­joy be­ing pos­i­tive.

An­other tech­nique is to al­ways as­sume pos­i­tive in­tent.

I don’t think there are many peo­ple (there are some, but a mi­nor­ity) who de­lib­er­ately act based on neg­a­tive in­tent.

So, as­sume peo­ple have the right in­ten­tions and work from there.

Don’t let a mi­nor­ity in­flu­ence the way you deal with the ma­jor­ity.

Of course, while they may have the right in­ten­tions, their be­hav­iours/ac­tions may cause you some grief.

In such cases, fo­cus on the be­hav­iour. Find out or imag­ine the pos­si­ble rea­sons for the be­hav­iour and their in­tent.

A sim­ple con­ver­sa­tion based on “ben­e­fit of doubt” can re­sult in an ex­tremely pos­i­tive in­ter­ac­tion and elim­i­nate your neg­a­tive emo­tions.

Most peo­ple, in my ex­pe­ri­ence, are try­ing their best.

Yes, it may not come across that way but I be­lieve most peo­ple are try­ing to do the right thing with the re­sources and ex­pe­ri­ences they have had and in the con­text they are op­er­at­ing in.

If we come from a po­si­tion of love and pos­i­tiv­ity, we will end in a po­si­tion of love and pos­i­tiv­ity.

If we start from a po­si­tion of neg­a­tiv­ity, we can only end in neg­a­tiv­ity; and pos­si­bly in even worse states of anger and bit­ter­ness, which will only re­duce your well­be­ing.

Feel the love and slay the neg­a­tiv­ity de­mon.

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