CAR TRENDS THAT NEED TO DIE IN 2019

Top Gear (UK) - - INTAKE -

M COLOUR GRILLES

Some re­peat of­fend­ers here, for sure. Quite where the trend for paint­ing, wrap­ping or clip­ping the vanes of a BMW kid­ney grille to ape the M Di­vi­sion tri­colour orig­i­nated, we’re not sure. Not from any BMW M car, at any rate.

MO­TOR SHOWS

Not all of them. But when Geneva is now rou­tinely de­scribed as ‘a quiet one’ and Paris has en­tire halls sat empty, do we re­ally need an in­ter­na­tional mo­tor show ev­ery other month? Will there be more diary ca­su­al­ties in 2019?

BULLSH*T ELEC­TRIC HYPERCARS

Al­most ev­ery day TG is bom­barded with a lengthy press re­lease from a ne’er-proven start-up which claims to have a megawatt-pow­ered thrust­mo­bile that’ll do 0–60 in mi­nus one sec­onds and cre­ate a sin­gu­lar­ity. And drive it­self.

FAKE BADG­ING

We see you, in your Merc C220d. With your AMG badge. We see you, think­ing your eBay AMG badge fools us into think­ing your sin­gle­tailpipe rep­mo­bile is a thun­der­ing V8 mon­ster. Do your­self a favour and re­turn to fac­tory set­tings.

MAS­SIVE GRILLES

Huge grilles are a rich seam of trends we want binned. The A8 and X7 are modern cars with heatop­ti­mised en­gines, so don’t need more cool­ing than a diesel loco. Even worse, the e-tron doesn’t even have an engine to cool.

TOUCH­SCREEN CLI­MATE

Hid­ing the func­tion­al­ity of sim­ply heat­ing or cool­ing the cabin in a touch­screen which in­vari­ably is slow to re­spond or doesn’t re­act to gloves is id­i­otic be­yond be­lief, and down­right un­safe. Yet for the sake of de­sign, car­mak­ers are mad for it.

‘DI­A­MOND-CUT’ WHEELS

Which aren’t cut by di­a­monds by mas­ter jewellers deep in the Swiss Alps. Ba­si­cally, it’s two-tone al­loys. They were fine, when it was only one or two brands do­ing them, and do­ing them well. But now they’re over­done and ready for the bin.

MOD­I­FIED LAND ROVER DE­FEND­ERS

Are there any stan­dard De­fend­ers left? It seems the ones that haven’t been nicked and cal­lously stripped for parts are all destined to live out a life of ur­ban ig­nominy, bolted to enor­mous, fussy wheels and sport­ing bolt-on wide­body arches.

IM­I­TA­TION GRILLES

Into the bin they go. So ob­sessed has the car in­dus­try be­come with mean­ing­less mesh be­ing short­hand for power, more and more cars are pep­pered with ris­i­ble plas­tic acne that serves no pur­pose be­sides look­ing cheap.

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