‘Trank’s origin story brings nothing new apart from a muted realworld aesthetic’

By far the most evocative of these are Reed’s stretched-out limbs – a nightmarish bit of body horror. True, The Thing looks great, but the rock-cladding seems to swallow Bell, who never really gets to grips with his character. Mara just floats around in a bubble and Jordan’s fiery Human Torch plays down his “flame on” phrase like he’s embarrassed to be here.

Quite a stretch

With the quartet taken to top-secret government facility Area 57, Reed scarpering and the others learning to control their powers, it all lurches into a dreadfully dull final act, where Von Doom, all powered up from the energygiving planet, gets a cob on.

Is it better than watching Story’s cast – a bendy-bodied Ioan Gruffudd, say, or Jessica Alba in a skin-tight catsuit? Hardly. Teller, so good in Whiplash, barely lives up to the name Mr. Fantastic here, while Mara is similarly functional; that she was an orphan adopted from Kosovo is just another canon-altering trait liable to irritate the fans. At least Kebbell – albeit unrecognisable under Von Doom’s costume – brings a little menace to proceedings.

Taking us back to the bad old days when comic-book movies were second rate, there’s not much joy to be found here. It rather makes a mockery of the fact that, as our heroes step into their matter-transporting machine, the cry goes up: “We’re about to make history.” But then at least there’s the possibility that, after three failed attempts (including Roger Corman’s unreleased ’94 effort), the rights will be snapped up by Marvel Studios; then maybe this much-maligned superhero quartet might get the movie they deserve. THE VERDICT Liable to be prosecuted under the trade descriptions act with a title like Fantastic Four, this is ponderous, pretentious and, most damning of all, just not much fun. Flame off. › Certificate 12A Director Josh Trank Starring Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Michael B. Jordan, Tim Blake Nelson, Reg. E. Cathey Screenplay Josh Trank, Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater Distributor Twentieth Century Fox Running time 99 minutes