Total Film



In the postbag…

I’ve been pondering a subject that I don’t think has received, even in your hallowed mag, due considerat­ion: who is cinema’s greatest wrestlertu­rned-actor? Dwayne Johnson, maybe? Dave Bautista? John Cena? No. It’s as clear as two submission­s or a knockout that none of those could hold a figure-four leg-lock to the incomparab­le Brian Glover (or as he was known in his wrestling prime, Leon Arras from Paris). Who could forget his roles in An American Werewolf In London, Alien3 or as the iconic PE teacher in Kes? (“Charlton today, lad… Denis Law’s in t’wash.”) DAVEY W, LEEDS

Debate over, as far as we’re concerned, especially if you add to the list Glover’s ’80s TV-ad voiceovers. Could wrestler-turned-Expendable Stone Cold Steve Austin explain how “Tetley’s 2,000 perforatio­ns let flavour flood out” with the same tea-cosy warmth? Davey and everyone with a letter printed here will receive a copy of taut thriller Alone, out now on Blu-ray and digital via Signature Entertainm­ent. Didn’t send an address? Email it! Or it’ll be homeless Alone!


Great you gave a nod to rental service Cinema Paradiso [see TF313]. I’ve had endless discs from them, including Bette Davis’ first film. Kudos also to Sky Premiere. They programme many films that have never had publicity from TF or anywhere else, because of the never-ending obsession with comicbook movies. Some of the gems I’ve

discovered are The Death And Life Of John F. Donovan, Never Rarely Sometimes Always, The Night Clerk, Spontaneou­s, The Roads Not Taken, Don’t Let Go and especially The Broken Hearts Gallery.


A number of those titles have appeared in TF - not least Never Rarely Sometimes Always, which featured in our Top 20 of 2020 [see TF306] and yes, deserves to be praised to the, um, skies. Can Bette have her disc back now?


Firstly, as an NHS worker, I have to thank you for continuing to print issues; they are a blessing on a hard day! Issue 312 was incredible, from the article on UK film locations to the brilliant interview with Rose Byrne. Also, I was shocked to find I’m not the only one who loves good-bad horrors like House Of Wax, Darkness Falls, and that someone out there also likes The Fountain. I just got a tattoo of Call Me By Your Name (to join the three Donnie Darko, one Scream and one Trick ’r Treat tattoos). Got me wondering, do many others tattoo their favourite films? OWEN DAVIES, VIA EMAIL

Firstly, thank you for being an NHS worker and for all the hard days you and your colleagues have endured. Excellent question: readers, please share your blockbuste­r body art, with pics (if located in non-naughty areas). Our Wingman’s always fancied tattoos of such faves as Inglouriou­s Basterds or Pet Sematary, but is worried the titles will end up mistakenly spelled correctly.


My wife laughs at me because whenever we go on holiday abroad, I rarely venture more than a few metres into any water where there’s a risk of sharks. I’m terrified of them, thanks to movies like Jaws. So your feature ‘Fin-Tastic Beasts’ [TF313] was a piece I read through closed fingers. It was, however, fully enjoyable and reminded me of films I’ve not seen in a long time, or at all. Now if I could just muster up the courage to watch them…


Really enjoyed the sharkmovie­s feature; I’ve been obsessed with ‘fins and teeth’ films since seeing Jaws 2 in the cinema. But I feel you missed out on some B-movie classics like Bait, The Reef, Dark Tide, Ice Sharks, House Shark, Ghost Shark, Exorcist Shark, Jurassic Shark and Shark Shock, the last of which had the greatest-ever tagline: ‘No More Mr. Nice Shark’. And who could forget the 2/3/5/6-Headed Shark Attack series… I’ve just realised I’ve wasted my life. PHIL SLOAN, BEXLEY

Wasted your life? By watching movies? You’re barking up the wrong magazine, sorry. For anyone questionin­g the absence of a 4-Headed Shark Attack from Phil’s list... there’s no such film; but a fish with four noggins does feature in 5-Headed

Shark Attack, for a grand total of nine bonces á la Bruce. Surely time for Spielberg to cash in on this hit factory by renaming his little film One-Headed Shark Attack. Luke: glad you enjoyed/ endured the piece; try starting with something family-friendly, like Shark Tale. On second thoughts, that’s a film you should watch not through closed

fingers, but a closed TV cabinet.


Some of the best news I’ve read recently in Total Film is that one of my favourite directors, Jeff Nichols, will be helming a Quiet Place spin-off. Now the question is, what part will his (and my) favourite actor Michael Shannon be playing?



No confirmati­on yet of Mr. Michael’s involvemen­t, but if the casting gods make it happen, maybe he’ll play someone fairly intense and a bit scary. And tall. We’re just guessing.

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