DEAR WINGMAN

I would like to ‘thank’ you for getting me in trouble with the missus. Now, I think Total Film is like a great movie; you want to revisit it again and again. So (and I’ve just checked), issue 305 is in the conservatory, issue 301 is in the living room, issue 310 is by the bed and issues 294 and 284 are currently in the toilet (where all men read). Apparently, this makes the house look untidy. I disagreed with this statement, hence I am now in trouble.