60 SECOND SCREENPLAY

TF SAVES YOU THE COST OF A MOVIE EVERY MONTH. THIS ISSUE: BEAST

FADE IN:

EXT: MOPANI RESERVE, SOUTH AFRICA

After a very angry lion silently and strategically murders some poachers in the unfeasible style of a master assassin, DR. IDRIS ELBA and his family arrive for a holiday.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Hello, mate! Sorry that your wife died, but I’m glad you came to this dangerous safari reserve to reconnect with your estranged teenage daughters.

DR. IDRIS ELBA

I have a feeling that this might just be the best holiday ever. LEAH SAVA JEFFRIES, IYANA HALLEY

Ugh, we hate you, Dad! EXT: RESTRICTED RESERVE AREA

SHARLTO COPLEY takes everyone to visit a pride of lions that he loves and respects. They all arm themselves with a rifle just in case.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Hey, this lion looks injured. That’s worrying.

DR. IDRIS ELBA

Sure, let’s all be concerned about the murderous big cat not being at peak physical strength. They drive to a nearby village and discover all of its residents have been brutally killed.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Oh God! All evidence points to this being a lion attack, but they wouldn’t do something like this.

DR. IDRIS ELBA

Really? This seems perfectly in keeping with everything I understand about lions.

EXT: ROAD

While driving back, an injured man approaches. Despite knowing a rogue lion is in the area, SHARLTO COPLEY gets out to investigate. The lion attacks him and kills the injured man.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Forget everything I ever said about lions. My leg is badly torn to shreds and I think he is somehow now using me as bait to lure you out.

DR. IDRIS ELBA

What are the chances that this lion would be extremely angry AND have the ability to think like an evil mastermind?! IYANA HALLEY immediately crashes the car. DR. IDRIS ELBA loads a tranquiliser gun but can’t use it. Eventually LEAH SAVA JEFFRIES stabs the lion directly with a tranquiliser dart.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Hey, Idris, well done on not getting your kids killed yet! You’re a good dad really.

IYANA HALLEY

Ugh, I hate you, Dad!

INT: CRASHED CAR DR. IDRIS ELBA has a nightmare about his daughters getting attacked by a lion. He wakes up to the very real situation in which they’re getting attacked by a lion. Poachers arrive. DR. IDRIS ELBA

Please help us! We’re just a friendly bunch of people being attacked by a lion. Can you rescue us?

POACHER

Hey, that guy with the busted-up leg is a safari manager who hates poachers! Let’s try to kidnap the girls for some reason. The lion attacks, killing all the poachers. DR. IDRIS ELBA goes in search of their car keys. Meanwhile, SHARLTO COPLEY lures the lion over a cliff, killing himself in the process.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Well, I might have had to sacrifice myself to do it, but at least the lion is definitely dead now and you’re all safe.

INT: SCHOOLHOUSE

DR. IDRIS ELBA stops off on the way to total safety for some bandages. The lion immediately appears.

LEAH SAVA JEFFRIES

You probably shouldn’t have left all the doors wide open in your search for a few plasters…

DR. IDRIS ELBA

Clearly, the only way to stay safe from a vicious lion attack is by going out there and letting that lion viciously attack me.

DR. IDRIS ELBA has an actual fist fight with an actual lion. He loses. Horrifically. Luckily the pride from before comes to fend off the attack, killing the rogue lion.

DR. IDRIS ELBA

Y’see? My plan… worked. Now we’re all… nghhh!… perfectly fine.

INT. HOSPITAL

DR. IDRIS ELBA recovers remarkably well from being half-eaten.

LEAH SAVA JEFFRIES, IYANA HALLEY

We hate you slightly less now, Dad! DR. IDRIS ELBA

Best holiday… nghhh!!… ever…

FIN NEXT ISSUE: HALLOWEEN ENDS