STAR LETTER
I’m so pleased about the recent release of a certain dino-fighting adventure movie with a numerical title, as it’s filled a gap in our family’s moviesbased bingo calling. Currently our calls include ‘Number of things I hate about you’ (10); ‘How many days later?’ (28); ‘A magnificent number’ (seven); ‘How many in Ocean’s gang?’ (bit of a teaser for players – eight, 11, 12 or 13?); ‘Number of first dates’ (50)... You get the picture. So thank you, ‘Adam Driver Jurassic sci-fier’ (65). Although there still remain gaps - so to any producers out there, films with 26, 37, 43, 56 or 67 in the title would be appreciated.
JACK HARGREAVES, VIA EMAIL
Well, there’s already Movie 43, though no one would blame you for ignoring that cine-shambles. While we wait for Hollywood to get on the case with the others, perhaps you could come up with some workarounds, eg ‘Kubrick space odyssey, minus Spielberg war flop, plus bonce-in-a-box shocker… 67!’ Though that could stretch out games to Murphy/Nolte buddy-cop lengths. Jack and everyone with a letter printed here will receive a copy of
The Inspection, available on DVD and Blu-ray on 15 May via Signature Entertainment. Didn’t send an address? Email it! This is not a drill!
AI OF THE STORM
I’ve been having some amazing conversations with AI chatbots lately and it’s got me thinking: what does the future hold for the film industry? Will AI be taking over the director’s chair and churning out blockbusters left and right? I doubt it. I think humans will always prefer to watch films made by… well, humans. It’s what we go to the cinema for, right? It’s like how my dog only really cares about other dogs – he’s not too interested in cats, squirrels or foxes. I’m not sure we’d want films made by machines if they represent people as poorly as we’ve represented them in the past (like the time we made a movie about a killer cyborg sent back in time to wipe out humanity). JONATHAN HARLEY, CHESHIRE
For one thing, that director’s chair would need some reinforcement in order to cope with the T-800’s hyperalloy buns. For TF’s own hot take on AI, see p27. Intrigued by your pet’s preferences – is his favourite movie Isle of Dogs? Does he paw the fast-forward button impatiently any time it cuts to Tod in The Fox and the Hound? Readers, share your animal companions’ viewing habits!
SHOW AND RE-TELL
I’ve recently been watching quite a bit of daytime/prime-time TV, and it’s made me realise that numerous successful movies have clearly been based on popular shows. For example: MasterChef can be detected in The Menu; Bargain Hunt was sorta remade with
The Da Vinci Code, and Judge Judy is The Trial of the Chicago 7. May I suggest some further adaptations of small-screen IP? A Place in the Sun: after a major bullion heist, a robbing couple spend three days looking for a quiet and very secluded villa in the Costas. Homes Under the Hammer: Thor renovates derelict terraced houses for letting purposes. This is a resource that keeps on giving… DAVID WARWICK, CALVERLEY
Sign us up for both. But could we have the trend going the other way too? The One Show finding its true calling as an extension of the Matrix universe? The Chase with Bradley Walsh shouting questions from a hurtling Dodge Charger? The Little Repair Shop of Horrors?
TRUE LINES
Mel Gibson starrer On the Line features the line ‘What kind of B-grade movie bullshit is this?!’ How many other films can you think of featuring ill-advised dialogue that inadvertently rings true? CLIVE ROBINSON, VIA EMAIL
Dialogue can recall a screening of
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith where Obi-Wan’s line, ‘I can’t watch any more!’ prompted some Palpatine-like cackling from the back row. Seemed a little harsh, given the prequel’s relative merits; perhaps that critic was using up some leftover scorn from Attack of the Clones.
JANE D’OH
Re: Janes in Movies [TF335]. Cannot believe that you missed the opportunity to include Andie MacDowell’s Miss Jane Porter from 1984’s Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes! I remember this movie fondly like it was yesterday. Well, that and the fact that on the way home from the cinema, my mum and dad caught me, a 10-year-old, at the top of a lamp post at 10pm, displaying my best Tarzan moves! Aaaaaaiaaaiaaahh!! PAUL BROOKS, BUCKS
TBH, there were many more Janes we could’ve included, even disregarding those who are, um, mates with Tarzan: Baby; ‘Dick and’; McDonald. But we had to be sparing, lest we set off a Jane reaction. BTW, you’re not still perched on that ’post, right? Like in some modest British version of Fall? Just checking.
NOT KNOCK
I was excited to check out a two-screen cinema during a recent trip to Gibraltar. It was perfectly nice but imagine my surprise, upon going to see Knock at the Cabin, when Channing Tatum appeared on screen, followed by Salma Hayek Pinault. Weirdly, the only other time this has happened to me was in 1997 when I went to see Starship Troopers and got Oscar-winner Brendan Fraser swinging through trees!
RUSS TRIBE, SOUTHAMPTON
We feel a song coming on: ‘George, George, George of the jungle, strong as he can be/Watch out for that brainhoovering murder bug from Planet P’.