Journal gave insight into wife’s hopes and fears

SHE was afraid of her husband leaving, afraid of being a single mother.

If her marriage fell apart, it would be because she hadn’t worked hard enough.

They were the sad, selfdeprecating words of Allison Baden- Clay, written in her journal as she tried to save her marriage while her husband had a long- term affair behind her back.

Prosecutor Todd Fuller read from the mother- ofthree’s journal as he summarised the Crown case in his closing arguments yesterday.

“If my relationship ends, it will be because G has had enough and doesn’t love me anymore and of all the crap I have dished out to him over the past 13 years,’’ Allison wrote.

Mr Fuller said the entries, many written in late 2010, were analysing relationship problems.

By this time, husband Gerard had had an affair with work colleague Toni McHugh for more than two years.

Allison would not discover her husband’s infidelity until the following September.

Mr Fuller said Allison’s journal, written over several years, was an insight into her personality.

“You might think that Allison Baden- Clay’s harshest critic was Allison Baden- Clay,’’ Mr Fuller told the jury.

“A woman who wasn’t afraid to look at herself in the mirror, decide what she was doing wrong, how she could make things better.’’

Baden- Clay told the court his wife was not intimate with him. But in the journal she wrote of wanting her husband to love her the way he used to. “I would give anything if my partner would love me and make love to me,’’ Allison wrote. The trial continues.