Dog day afternoon turns into canine horror story

I WAS fast asleep!

Then, in my dream I was viciously attacked by a drenched soft leather mop, all over my face, in my mouth, my ears, I was doomed, what otherworldly grime was being forced upon me! BING! My little cappuccino- coloured Tenterfield terrier had snuck up during my Nana Nap, er Kindy Nap, and decided that Dad needed to be awake.

Not quite sure why, but there he was smiling away, after slobbering all over me. I wasn’t dreaming about Godzilla after all, more like Caterpillar.

Which makes one, or maybe two, ask the question, is being licked by your ever loving pet, unhealthy?

Now that Bing has licked me all over, I’ve no doubt swallowed doggy saliva, with the added taste of the cockroach he ate last night, I’m wondering what’s going to happen to me? I’m panic stricken. What if I turn into a doggy? I can imagine at home every morning my girl will feel my nose to see if I’m healthy, put my kibble out with Bing’s, which actually happens anyway after my Saturday afternoon with the boys, and coincidently, on that same day I’m always in the Doghouse as well!

So I suppose not that much change there. Maybe I’ll end up cocking my leg on her car, that will go down well, and I’ll chew up those giant stiletto things she walks on the wooden floor with too!

I’ll blame Bing. I am somewhat concerned if this doggy spit does turn me woofish, and Mummy takes Bing and I for a walk on the beach, other dogs do to me what they do to Bing!

This terrier tried to … well … you know ... yesterday afternoon at Pallarenda, and fair dinkum, I’ll never live that down at Saturday arvo drinkies.

This is serious stuff, if indeed the dog lick has this effect on me, anything is possible, will Barb give me my own kennel, will I have to go to Pricey Pee School, I mean Puppy Pre School. I’ve already learnt to beg!! Will I pass with flying ‘ collars’? Highly unlikely, having failed dismally as a human. And what sort of dog would I be? Barb will come up with a breed, something that relates to what I’m like, what I do, so I’d say a shitzu.

There are other considerations, like will I have to be wormed, “de- fleaed”, distemper shots, have my nails cut, chase my own tail and will I be registered with the council as a stray!!!

Certainly more apt years ago when I was a puppy. I was often straying down Flinders East!

Of all the doggy things that worry me, there’s one that concerns me above all else, and that is a vet operation that many have to stop one straying.

And it’s certainly been threatened, even before I was a dog.

One thing she doesn’t have to worry about, I’ve already moulted.

Happy days. Woof