Not The News.

Last Re­main­ing Surfer Able to Read a Synop­tic Chart Hangs Up the Leg­gie

Tracks - - Fix -

The surf­ing world is in mourn­ing to­day af­ter the last re­main­ing surfer able to de­ci­pher a weather map hung up the leg­gie for the last time. Wayne ‘Pel­i­can’ An­drews had his last surf on Tues­day af­ter spot­ting a cheeky low pres­sure sys­tem with rea­son­ably low num­bers and favourable look­ing iso­bars sneak­ing up the coast, while watch­ing Tim Bai­ley present the weather on Ten’s News at Five. In an­tic­i­pa­tion of the swell, Pel­i­can broke out his trusty seven footer and waxed it up that night, ready for the next morn­ing. Un­for­tu­nately Wayne, who still hap­pily lives without an in­ter­net con­nec­tion, was un­aware that the same swell had been fore­cast a week in ad­vance on­line, to the en­tire east coast of Aus­tralia. Af­ter strug­gling through a crowded ses­sion at his once re­mote lo­cal, full of medi­ocre surfers on the lat­est Slater Surf­boards model, Pel­i­can stormed up the beach, wrapped his board around the shower pole, shed a sin­gle tear and ex­claimed, “Fuck this, I’m done!”

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