Not The News. Shocking: Ageing Hard-Nut Complains About Fruits Riding Strange Boards In His Lineup.
“What the fuck is happening to surfing mate?” Boomed 50 year-old Les Jones in the lineup of his local point break to no-one in particular. Despite not successfully paddling into a wave in the two-foot conditions in the last 45 minutes on his 6’1” thruster, Les revealed the root of his frustrations to be, “All these fuckin fruits on their weirdo boards, catching every wave, laughing, smiling and carrying on. I tell ya mate, if you had of paddled out here on a board like that back in my day you’d have had seven different samples of shit punched out of you!” When a nearby surfer suggested that a slight increase in the volume and length of his board might be the remedy to his troubles, Les responded, “Fuck off ya clown. Why do you think the best surfers in the world ride exactly these dimensions?” The surfer shrugged before gliding into a little peeler and hooting down the line. Reports suggest Les is still yet to catch a wave.