SELLING A CLASSIC POST-LOCKDOWN
THE CLASSIC CAR MARKET IS BOOMING, MAKING SELLING ONE POTENTIALLY A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE... IN FRUSTRATION.
It all started at Christmas. The P38A Range Rover I bought before the COVID chain and padlock hit the world, was getting a dash-out, A/C blend motor replacement.
Somebody will pipe up to say they can do this job in 17 minutes, including time to down a couple of Scotch and Cokes. But I had other fiddly repairs to do while the dash was out. I’m also approaching an age where it seems a torch and glasses are necessary just to tie my shoelaces. The job took two long, slow weeks from break down to button up.
It was during her open dash surgery that my love affair with the Range Rover cooled. I had already spent much of the locked-down months obsessively fettling the Rangie. It had arrived at Lord manor a bit weather-beaten, but with good bones. With the work I’d done, the Rangie was not perfect but looked and drove like a much younger car than its 20 years.
In January, a fine example of a rare (okay obscure, unloved and unwanted) classic came up. But I really wanted it. I considered keeping the Rangie too, but there wasn’t enough garage room for both. Also, a new arrival in the garage (without first a subtraction) may cause my ‘significant other’ to deem me an insignificant other, preferably living elsewhere.
As it turned out, it didn’t matter. I realised that the love for my English Patient had gone, and I couldn’t seem to get it back. I still felt a sense of betrayal as I put the Rangie up for sale.
Within 30 minutes of t he ad going live, t he ca lls, texts and emails began to f lood in.
This was not t he f irst time I had advertised a car in t he digita l age. I was expecting emails or texts a long t he lines of, “Will you ta ke $ 30 ? I have cash ready to go”.
More frustrating were t he stock, hit-a-button questions I received, such as “I am interested in your ad”, and nothing else. I’m prett y sure t hey were sent by four year-olds play ing wit h a parent’s iPad, but I was tempted to reply, “I’m so pleased my ad got your interest. I spent hours on it.” What else can you say?
When a prospective buyer makes the effort to phone you, it is a good sign. This time, t hat wasn’t such a good sign.
For t he f irst severa l ca llers, I gave t he long-winded stor y on the car’s background, what I had done to it, and so on. Soon, my voice became hoarse from talking so much. Some people ca lled back to ask extra questions. I started to t hink I’d better write people’s names down, because I forget who I was ta lk ing to. There were so many of them.
The car sold t wice, in t he f irst 24 hours. The f irst buyer had ca lled, t hen later texted an of fer. I t hought it was fa ir, and agreed. To which he said he’d ta ke t he car, ‘subject to f inance’. Oh. No t hanks.
So straight to t he second, interstate buyer, who a lready said he’d buy t he car for t he same price if t he f irst deal fell t hrough. I sent about 100 photos of t he car to t he bloke, answered severa l text messages and got and gave details for t he sa le to proceed.
As I was checking to see if the money had come into my account, a text came though. The buyer had changed his mind, on the basis that he heard that the P38A Range Rover could have lots of problems. Right, well, yes of course.
As the days wore on, more buyers ca lled and the selling blurb I gave got more and more pointed. I hardly had any voice lef t, or much of a will to live by t hat point.
At day f ive of t he ad going live, I had another interstate buyer phone. I gave him a v ideo tour of the car. He said he would send a deposit straight away.
Meanwhile, the ca lls kept on coming. There was the ca ller whose only question was, in ot her circumstances, not unreasonable. But by this point, being ca ll number 30 or so, t he question, “Have any dogs ever been in t he car? ”, a lmost sent me into a mad, delirious giggle. I was tempted to reply, “Only my driver, Fido.”
The next day, not quite a week since t he ad went live, wit h ca lls, texts and messages still streaming in, I pulled t he ad of f line. It a lready had more t han 1000 page v iews. The deposit hadn’t landed in my account yet, but I needed
“HAVE ANY DOGS EVER BEEN IN THE CAR? ALMOST, SENT ME INTO A MAD DELIRIOUS GIGGLE”