YOU’RE DEAD

Unique Cars - - MORLEY’S WORKSHOP -

right, Mike, and to see how us old tap­pet-heads look af­ter our cars and how care­fully we drive them, should be enough to con­vince any­body with

half a brain that we aren’t the prob­lem here. Thing is, though, half a brain is a lot more than what’s housed in the mel­ons of a vast per­cent­age of our law-mak­ers and pol­icy ad­vi­sors. How on Earth an in­sur­ance com­pany (the TAC down here in Vic­to­ria) can get away with form­ing road safety pol­icy is ab­so­lutely be­yond me, and yet suc­ces­sive gov­ern­ments and po­lice-force man­age­ment teams have al­lowed it to hap­pen.

Mean­time, we’re the ones driv­ing the cars that re­ally stand out from the crowd, so we’re the ones who are most vis­i­ble. It’s why we have to take a per­sonal stand when we see some­body do­ing the wrong thing; be­cause it’ll come back to bite all of us, not just the dick­head mi­nor­ity.

I reckon this is maybe the key to smooth­ing the wa­ters for car en­thu­si­asts; a bit of self-polic­ing. If you see some­body leav­ing chalkies in a sub­ur­ban street, take the time to sug­gest they go else­where (where no­body can see them) to do that stuff (see pre­vi­ous let­ter). Or bet­ter yet, join a car club with a com­pe­ti­tion cal­en­dar and get it out of their sys­tem the safe, le­gal way. Same goes if you have a mate who’s dodgy­ing the en­tries in his club-per­mit log­book: Have a quiet word, be­cause if enough lunkheads get caught cheat­ing the club per­mit sys­tem, the law will have no hes­i­ta­tion in pulling our cheap his­toric-car rego from un­der us.

Ex­actly what we do about the ma­jor­ity of dopes who view driv­ing as a pain in the butt, nec­es­sary only to get them where they’re go­ing, re­mains a mys­tery to me. But if we keep our­selves nice, they’re one group who won’t be writ­ing out­raged let­ters to the lo­cal mem­ber about us. What I’m get­ting at here is that the var­i­ous tiers of govern­ment these days are so com­pletely and ut­terly pop­u­lated by vote-grab­bing mo­rons, that the ab­so­lute best thing we can do as a group is keep our heads down.

You only have to watch the six o’clock news to know that a few dills do­ing skids in a sub­ur­ban street will soon have the TV chan­nels com­ing up with out­raged head­lines and then in­ter­view­ing the equally out­raged lo­cals and the cop­pers who will in­evitably vow to get tough on hoons and crush their cars. Only prob­lem is, Ma and Pa watch­ing the telly each night don’t dif­fer­en­ti­ate be­tween those hoons and us. We’re all car-dudes, so we’re all tarred with the one brush. It ’s just like the cur­rent me­dia war on African youth-gangs.

Yeah, sure, some of them are car-jack­ing mums and grandads, but oth­ers are do­ing vol­un­teer work in nurs­ing homes. To say they’re all just trou­ble­mak­ers is any­thing but fair.

On a lighter note, I no­ticed you used the ex­pres­sion “nuph-nuph”. I don’t know whether it’s true or not, but I was once told that the term was de­rived from po­lice ra­dio-code, where a NUPH was an in­di­vid­ual who Needs Ur­gent Psy­chi­atric Help.

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