Making friends as an adult can feel as scary as dating, but it can also be just as (or even more) rewarding.
There’s nothing quite like approaching the end of your third decade on Earth. Hopefully you’re on a journey you’ll be proud to tell a future generation about. Maybe you’ve travelled overseas, invested wisely and found a fulfilling vocation.
By the time it comes to blowing out the candles on your 30th birthday cake, if all goes well you’ll also be surrounded by a group of loving and loyal friends. Perhaps some of them have been in your life for many years; others may be newer to your inner circle. There are probably a few friends you didn’t expect to still be alongside you at this point; and others whom you thought would stick around but, for whatever reason, your paths diverged.
It’s the unexpected friendships you make in your late 20s that can prove the most challenging, yet also exciting and uplifting. They’re the friendships made over caffeine-fuelled nights in the office, during children’s play dates in a park, or even via an app such as Tinder, when you’re simply looking for a new bestie in the most 21st-century of styles.
When you meet a potential friend in your late 20s, the criteria for turning that initial spark into BFF-ship is a lot more complicated than it was back in your school days. (Less sharing of history notes; more finding shared experiences from your varied histories.)
In your late 20s, a new friend isn’t necessarily someone from a similar background, but rather someone on a similar path as you at a similar time. In a way, it’s a lot like dating, or even job hunting, and timing is everything.
A new friendship requires nurturing, which can feel like a near-impossible task when coordinating two more-than-crazy schedules and trying to maintain existing relationships. You also have to put yourself out there in a way you may not be used to with old friends. Should you initiate? Is coffee an appropriate first friend date? If it goes well enough, should you follow up? How soon is too soon?
The key to making new friends as an almost-30-yearold is being open to risk, rejection and, ultimately, disappointment. This may seem negative, but it requires you to act hoping for precisely the opposite – just like you would on a first date.
What do you have to lose by expressing interest in a potential friendship? The worst-case scenario is the other person isn’t interested and you move on, unscathed, except for a minor, fleeting, bruising of your ego. There are plenty of fresh friends in the sea. You just have to swim up to them.