Joe’s pain
Everyone was so happy. It was a family gathering with lots of laughter and fun. But Joe Meggetto sat on the fringe, watching his family, telling himself they would be better off without him.
This was not an unusual scenario for Joe. He was silently battling a struggle that he couldn’t talk about.
Joe was away with his wife Michelle and their family. It was a day no different to so many others. He struggled to engage with them, he certainly couldn’t laugh with them – it was all part of the battle.
But on this day, Joe took himself to bed. He cried quietly, feeling his world was out of control.
“Michelle found me in that state and that was the first step of getting better.
Joe’s “secret” was out but he had trouble defining what he felt. He confessed to Michelle that he didn’t know what was wrong with him.
“It’s because of the stigma that you don’t want to let it out. I just kept bottling it up.
“I had been going through it for years. Michelle knew something was going on. I was getting cranky, I was the type of male that thought my wife shouldn’t have to work because I wanted to provide for my family.
“I just broke down in the end. I hit rock bottom.
“I told her I felt like killing myself and I wasn’t in a happy space.
Farming can be a lonely life and Joe spent many hours on his tractor, escaping the world that was so difficult to live at times. On tough days, his tractor was a place where he could escape to cry.
Joe says he became absorbed in the day to day grind of dairy farming. Sometimes long days, nearly always lonely days while Michelle worked and their sons were at school.
“I was living in a bubble. I kept saying `you are only four kilometres out of town, why are you in this bubble.’
“But I just wasn’t coping. I would go out with a cheery face but on the inside I felt like shit.
“I got to the point that I would think they (his family) don’t need this shit.
“They don’t need me coming home being grumpy. I wasn’t abusive to anyone else, it was all in me. But I was cranky and I’d just go to bed.
“I knew I was getting worse and I was thinking suicide. It was the kids that stopped me…I told myself they didn’t deserve it. It was a long time before Joe sought help. He did a farmer pit-stop medical check at Farm World and broke down in tears. From that, he was referred to a psychologist.
But, after one visit, he knew it wasn’t “the right fit.”
Sometime later he went to his GP who he had known a long time and he knew would be someone he could trust and talk openly with.
Joe wasn’t ready to talk to mates. “My biggest concern was what will my mates think.”
“We were still battling through it as a couple. And it reached a point when Michelle was ready to walk out.
“I had talked to her about it, but I didn’t change myself. Maybe it was a cry for help and I wanted her to take control.
“I was living through it, but I wasn’t doing anything about it.
“Michelle got in touch with a friend. He sat down, had a cuppa and said, what’s going on. “He cracked me open that day. Joe’s best advice for people living with depression is to talk, open the lines of communication with someone you are comfortable with whether it be a professional, a family member or a friend.
“I kept going to people’s places…maybe I was trying to open up to mates.
“I’d pop around for a cuppa but I couldn’t get it out. I was embarrassed about it.
“I used to play good hard footy against these people and that’s what earnt you respect. But, if you say something about depression, they will think you are weak.
“Someone like me, you have to talk to the right person who understands what you are talking about and that’s not a person in a suit sitting in an office.
“It needed to be someone in the industry, in the farming environment.
Joe was part of a Gippsland Jersey awareness calendar released last year, telling the mental illness stories of dairy farmers.
It took Joe a long time to realise the importance of talking, of telling his story.
He now knows the importance of talking and says it continues to be his “best therapy” and his “best release.”
Joe also has learnt to make himself number one.
“I manage myself better. If I’m not feeling well I take it easy rather than stew on things.
“The farm was always number one. Now I know things can wait.
“I know I’ll have my bad days but I manage it and I’ve made myself a priority.
“When I’m good I am really happy. When I am down in the dumps it might be a couple of days, even a week. But I know now it’s not about being scared to walk off the farm for half a day.
“I now look at a problem, step back and find a solution.
“I get out of bed now and I enjoy the day ahead.
Since sharing his story, Joe has had some close friends open up and tell their stories.
“Opening up and talking about it didn’t save my life but it’s gone a long way towards it. It’s lifted the burden.
“There’s still a social stigma to it but all I can say to others is take that step and go to see someone.
“It comes down to the whole community. As a patient you have to take that step and seek help but as a community we have to listen because then it becomes a benefit to everyone,” Joe said.