12 steps to good mental health

In the first column we looked at the worldwide incidence of depression and some of the thoughts that can cause us to feel depressed.

In the second column, we looked at the origins of depression and the role of relationships. As societies become more westernised, depression increases and technologies such as social media play a huge part in this.

We examined the depression-causing influences on teenagers and young adults and suggested some strategies for parents and families affected. We examined whether there is a place for antidepressant medication.

In the third column we looked at 12 drugfree techniques to retrain our thoughts so that we can effectively manage anxiety and depression. In this, the last of the four articles we look briefly at connection and then go on to examine twelve more of these ‘taking action’ techniques.

In developing societies where children grow up with no toys and very little food, they are often smiling and happy. Here in Australia where we have so much in terms of material possessions and government benefits, we have one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Why is this? We have become disconnected and they are totally connected, where the family, the wider family and the fellow villagers are all one large connected group.

They talk to each other and invent games, whereas we may think it’s not a good idea to be too friendly with neighbours, and we communicate via social media. So, if we can make the effort to connect more with family and community, we can be on the road to contentment.

13. Become the observer and healer, not a victim.

There is one effective way to do this. If an unwanted emotion pops up via a thought, say ‘stop’ Then distance yourself from the emotion by asking: ‘What emotion am I experiencing?’ Answer, (for example): ‘Sadness.’ By giving this emotion a label, you are becoming the observer, not the participant. (You are observing the emotion of sadness.)

Then ask: ‘Am I allowed to experience sadness?’ Yes of course you are. You have now removed the guilt which so often accompanies negative emotions. Next ask yourself: Will it last? No, it won’t: nothing on this earth lasts. (You have now created the possibility of change). Then ask: ‘Do I want to remain a victim of sadness? (You are now giving yourself a choice.) Answer: No. Now ask: ‘Can I stop?’ Answer: ‘Yes.’ (You are now making that choice.) Finally ask: ‘When?’ Answer: ‘Now.’ You have now taken action. 14. Smile. When we feel down, no matter how low our mood, if we can just tell ourselves to smile – even force ourselves, the facial muscles trigger a positive reaction in the brain, and we feel happier. 15. Get quality sleep. We all know what happens when a child has a bad night. Adults are not much different. We wake up tired and unmotivated, irritable and often with a sense of pointlessness. In most cases of insomnia, it is our thoughts that keep us awake.

Here are some non-drug techniques to deal with those thoughts.

Go to bed before 10pm and don’t watch television or work or play with electronic devices an hour before going to bed.

Distraction. If we try to fight our thoughts, we usually lose. A useful technique is to distract the mind by giving it something unimportant to think about and while the mind is preoccupied with this task, the thoughts that keep us awake fade away and we sleep.

For example: we could think of four countries, cities, towns, or villages beginning with the letter ‘a’ and then ‘b’ and so on. Usually, by the time we get to around the letter K, we have fallen asleep. The next night it could be movies, actors, books, tv shows; and the next, names of girls, then boys and so on.

Instead of fighting the thoughts, invite them in. Say to yourself: ‘I want a thought right now. Come on thought… I want you right now.’ Keep on inviting a thought, and you will find that a thought doesn’t come! If one does; say to yourself: ‘Thank you: I’ll just pop that thought into a jar and deal with it in the morning. Now, come on I want another thought right now.’ It usually won’t come!

Use the worry pigeon hole mentioned in last week’s column. You place the thought in the pigeon hole of thoughts that you are going to worry about during your worry hour that you set aside each day for sitting and worrying.

Breathe in to the count of four hold the breath to the count of seven and then exhale to the count of eight. Do this five times. If you forget how many times you have done it, you must start again. This technique works because it is a highly relaxing breathing ratio, and you have to concentrate – thus distracting the mind and at the same time, relaxing it.

Listen to sleep meditations by people like Depak Chopra and Eckhardt Tolle.

Repeat the mental mantra ;‘I have no thoughts’ with each outgoing breath. Inevitably, a thought will pop up. Say to yourself: ‘That’s a thought, but I have no thoughts.’ and let it go.

The gaps between the thoughts gets longer and you sleep. Occasionally a particularly invasive thought might slip in and you find yourself following it and other thoughts linked to it. Stop and tell yourself that it’s just another thought, and you have no thoughts, so let it go. The repetition of the mantra makes the letting go much easier. 16. Mindfulness, meditation and hypnosis These give us a sense of inner peace and calm which results in a more positive outlook. They empower us. They help us to focus and acquire new skills in self-management. It’s a good idea to find meditation clips and podcasts from people like Depak Chopra and Eckhardt Tolle and/or find a good clinical hypnotherapist. 17. Hypnotise yourself and build expectancy Your subconscious mind never sleeps. It has been awake 24/7 since you were born. When you wake up in the morning, your subconscious mind is still dominant for about 30 seconds until your conscious mind takes over. So you have a 30 second window of opportunity to put something directly into your own subconscious mind. If your first thought is for example; ‘I expect to have a calm day,’ you will be amazed at how calm your day will be. Building expectancy is important – things can and will change. Be open to change or the possibility of it. 18. Fight global thinking Global thinking is what makes issues seem so big that they can’t be handled: it’s what leads us to feel overwhelmed and paralysed into inaction.

Here are some examples of these thoughts: ‘I just want to be happy. I just want to feel normal. I am my depression/anxiety.’ Global thinking is a major cause of depression, which in turn makes it hard for us to focus.

Depression often causes poor decision-making and this in turn causes deeper depression. Depression causes itself. We fight global thinking by seeing what we want as a goal rather than an unrealistic dream and focusing on what we can do today towards that goal.

For example, take the thought; ‘I just want to be happy.’ Ask yourself: ‘What can I do right now? For a start I will live in the present moment and make myself smile. Then I will go for a walk or a run, watch a comedy or go to a movie, or get into the car and visit a positive, happy friend.’

By doing these sorts of things, we move closer to our goal of being happy instead of seeing it as a distant paralysing, overwhelming impossible dream. In extreme cases, the simple act (for example) of having a shower seems overwhelming.

It becomes possible when we take that shower in small steps focusing on each step, rather than the end result. For example: check to see that we have what we need in the shower – soap, shampoo, towel etc. Check that we have clothes ready to put on after the shower etc. Small steps, but focusing on each one leads steadily to the end result.

19. If you’re going to drink, drink wisely.

Alcohol is a recognised depressant and a cause of anxiety, especially when excessively consumed. We may feel great when we’re drunk – full of confidence and the life and soul of the party. However it’s the next day and the days following that bring on the anxiety and depression. A large proportion of alcoholics started off by being shy teenagers. Alcohol suddenly gave them the feeling of confidence, so they went on with it – too much.

We should become more like the Europeans who drink for the taste and not (as we do) for the effect. There is far more alcohol-induced violence than drug-induced in Australia. Alcohol is a drug, but in our culture, it has become accepted as essential for most social gatherings. Peer group pressure to binge drink in young people is enormous and it is one of the reasons why we have become an anxious country. 20. Let go of your guilt. Guilt comes from the past. What we have done, we have done. That can’t be changed. We can apologise and make what amends are possible and then learn from the experience. Once we have done that, we must let it go and move on. To let the past control us is a recipe for disaster. We must be sure to avoid excessive and unfounded guilt, as we are only punishing ourselves – no-one else. 21. Avoid uncertainty Uncertainty and indecision are the food of anxiety and anxiety is the food of depression. Being unable to make up our mind about something can lead to anxiety and on to depression. As Marie Beynon Ray said: ‘Indecision is fatal. It is better to make a wrong decision than build up a habit of indecision. If you're wallowing in indecision, you certainty can't act – and action is the basis of success. So, even a bad decision is better than no decision.

Avoid uncertainty by making an effort to find out. Take for example someone who has had an inconclusive, or (even worse), no diagnosis of a troubling medical condition and therefore no prognosis: Rather than slide into anxiety and depression through fretting about what it could be, that person should get a second or third opinion – even more if necessary. Once we have a proper diagnosis, even if it’s a bad one, we feel so much better – simply because we know what we are dealing with. 22. Imagine your perfect day Write down your perfect day using your imagination It could be at home, or on a tropical island in Tahiti – or anywhere your imagination takes you. Describe everything you do on that perfect day from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed.

Write it in the present tense, and when you describe each event, write how you are feeling (your emotions). Read it each night before you go to sleep. By doing this we are using our imagination, and that is an essential tool of hypnosis. Do this every night for two weeks and notice the change in your emotional state. 23. Don’t fear change One of our greatest fears is change and yet, the most certain thing in the world is that things will change. Nothing stays the same. Even the particles in a rock are moving when examined under an electron microscope.

We can’t control change. It is our attempts to control what we can’t control that can cause damage to our emotional state. ‘This is terrible weather.’ It’s not terrible weather. It’s just weather and the terrible part comes from us. ‘The traffic is awful.’ No, it’s just traffic. When we try to control it, we become anxious, and because in many cases, anxiety causes a fight response, we can have road rage. Remember the ability to accept what we can’t control is a main road to emotional freedom. 24. Avoid mainstream media. So much of what we are fed by the media is negative. ‘Shock jocks’ are a classic example. Instead of listening to this, listen to your favourite music, or an uplifting podcast. ‘If music be the food of love, play on.’ (Duke Orsino, in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.)

There is so much more to say, but I thank The Gazette and editor Carolyn Turner for having the vision to run the Healthy Mind, Healthy Community month, and hope to meet you over coffee and nibbles at the free information night tomorrow at the Country Club from 7pm to 9pm.