Offering support during grief
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There is a numbness that overcomes families touched by suicide, a fog that obscures the reality and a grief that will live on.
For friends, work colleagues and the wider community, there is an awkwardness and hesitation to know what to say.
Tim Kubale wants to change that and hopes a community information session next week focussed on support after suicide will help.
Corey Kubale was 21 when he died by suicide in 2018. He was weeks away from completing an apprenticeship at Vin Rowe and had plans to travel overseas.
He had his struggles, and had sought medical help but was still in the eight week “risk period” after beginning medication. He had told his best friend “I’m getting help.”
In Warragul, Corey’s story has become too familiar for local families, friends, schools and sporting clubs.
Since Corey’s death, Tim has bravely reached out to other families suffering the same pain, the grief of losing a child, the questions.
But just as important, he says, is helping the wider community deal with their grief.
“For smaller communities like ours the impacts, I believe, are felt across a wider range than it might be in a bigger city as everybody is connected in some way,” he says.
Tim and his wife Cath have initiated a community information session titled Support After Suicide to be held next Thursday, April 13.
The free event, hosted by Warragul Industrials Football Club with Jesuit Social Service, will enable community members to come together to receive information about loss, grief, trauma, suicide and bereavement.
Tim said the session was not only valuable for families and friends but also community members who often didn’t know what to say or how to support grieving families.
Local professionals and people with lived experience will provide practical strategies for support following a suicide. Speakers will include David Hobbs from Support After
Suicide and representatives from Mindfull Aus and the Corey Maric Foundation.
Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians between 15 and 44 years of age.
In Gippsland, data over the past four years has showed a continued increase in the number of deaths by suicide, 40 to 62 in the period from 2018 to 2021. For the same period, the age-specific suicide rate increased from 14.6 per 100,000 in 2018 to 20.5 per 100,000 in 2021.
The Kubale family never expected their son and brother would be represented in the statistics.
The pain and impact on a family after a death by suicide is, Tim says, “something you don’t want to find out.”
“It’s life altering for sure. My first reaction was I can’t fix this...I fix things, but this is permanent.”
In the days and weeks that follow, the grief is overwhelming, particularly in the mornings when Tim says you find yourself waking up to the numbness that the grief is real.
He says the turning point is often eight weeks later, as the fog clears and you look around to realise life moves on. But that is often when the support is needed most.
Tim and Cath sought support from
Jesuit Social Services, attending sessions in Melbourne. To ensure local families and the community have access to that same support, they wanted to bring one of those sessions to Warragul.
Tim says the support he gained taught him to “be kind to yourself.”
“You have to learn to live with it. We tell ourselves that Corey knew he was loved and we did our best. You have to compartmentalise it, put the grief into boxes,” he says.
In the four years since Corey’s death, Tim says sadly other local families had faced the same grief. Believing he could help, whether he knew the families or not, he knew the importance of offering support.
“You just know what you have to do. It’s hard and you know what’s about to come down the phone but it’s the right thing to do,” he says.
Tim says the support night was about “how can family and friends help you grieve.”
He says it is about understanding suicide and the grief that follows.
The Support After Suicide community session will be held at Warragul Industrials clubrooms at Western Park, Warragul on April 13 between 6.30pm and 8pm.
Support After Suicide is a program of Jesuit Social Services funded by the Federal Government through the Victorian Primary Health Networks, providing a range of services and programs to support people bereaved by suicide.
If you or anyone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 131 114 or BeyondBlue on 1300 224636.