Offering support after suicide
Wild Dogs work wonders
Helping communities understand suicide was the focus of a Support After Suicide information in session in Warragul last week.
Overcoming the stigma, offering support to families bereaved by suicide and having open conversations were at the heart of a presentation by Jesuit Social Services’ Support After Suicide Victoria manager Greg Roberts.
The information session, initiated by Tim and Cath Kubale and supported by Warragul Industrials Football Netball Club, enabled community members to come together to receive information about loss, grief, trauma, suicide and bereavement.
Following the death of his son Corey in 2018, Tim wants people to feel more comfortable to talk about suicide. He said there was an awkwardness and hesitation among people who did not know what to say.
Since Corey’s death, Tim has bravely reached out to other families suffering the same pain, the grief of losing a child, the questions.
But just as important, he said, was helping the wider community heal, because he said, it was a grief too familiar for many local families, friends, schools and sporting clubs.
Outlining recent suicide statistics, Dr Roberts reminded people that each number represented a person and for every person 20 to 30 people in their immediate circle were impacted and in communities, 100 people were impacted.
Nine people every day die from suicide, with recent Australian statistics showing 3150 people dying every year. Suicide is the leading cause of death of young people under 18 and Dr Roberts said the statistics continued to represent a high proportion of men.
In trying to understand suicide, Dr Roberts said it was important for people to understand the “why?”
“They probably weren’t choosing death as much as choosing to end what felt like unbearable pain.
“Suicide never happens from one thing, it’s a combination of factors that come together at the one time.
Dr Roberts said those factors could be mental health, physical health, low self esteem, coping skills, drugs or alcohol. He said it was important to understand “the trigger isn’t necessarily the cause.”
He said for the person who died, there were often feelings of disconnection and loneliness, feelings of being a burden to others, and an overwhelming silence because they felt they could not talk to anyone.
For families, friends and communities bereaved by the loss of someone to suicide, Dr Roberts said they had to understand the why, while dealing with loss, questions, trauma and stigma.
“The stigma is changing but it’s still there. In some instances people in the community would go to the other side of the road to avoid having a conversation.
“It’s important we see it as someone has died by suicide and it’s sad and tragic. It’s important to push back that stigma that they committed a crime,” he said.
For the bereaved, Dr Roberts said it was “normal to have feelings of guilt but that doesn’t mean you are guilty.”
He said natural questions were: why did they do it; why didn’t I prevent it; and, how could they do this to me?
Dr Roberts urged community members to understand suicide and for support networks of bereaved families to simply “show up.”
No one can take away the pain or suffering, but he said, friends can “show up” consistently over time and just be there.
Dr Roberts told those bereaved by suicide to “be kind to yourself.”
“Grief is like your fingerprint, it’s very individual to you. Don’t let someone else tell you what to do...trust your instinct.
“Grief isn’t a mental illness, it’s a normal response to a loss or change.
“Grief is about managing a changed relationship with the person that has gone it’s not a reason to push the memories aside. The grief will change over time but the connection with that person will stay with you,” he said.
Warragul based Support After Suicide counsellor David Hobbs said it had been a privilege and honour to share the journey with many local families impacted by suicide.
Mr Hobbs said he and his wife Chris also had endured the pain of suicide in their extended family, and the “massive ripple effect” it had on so many lives.
The Warragul support group meets on the first Thursday of the month at the Courthouse Restaurant’s garden bar, Barkly St, Warragul.
“It’s a group you don’t want to be a member of, but some people find themselves there.
“There is help and a richness to grieve together,” Mr Hobbs said.
Support After Suicide is a program of Jesuit Social Services funded by the Federal Government through the Victorian Primary Health Networks, providing a range of services and programs to support people bereaved by suicide. Support After Suicide: 1800 943 415
Seven local police officers emerged from the recent Emergency Services Games with a bronze medal.
The team of seven - called the “Wild Dogs” played against 34 other netball teams compiled of various emergency services staff, and came in third place.
The day was a great success with 30 different agencies from across Victoria represented. The team played at Jells Park at the Glen Waverly Netball Centre. Seven separate games were played in poor weather and the Wild Dogs lost only one game over the day before playing in the semi finals.
Wet and tired with no bench players, they then went on to play their biggest rivals of the day, the Valley Rats (from the Latrobe Valley). After a loss, the Wild Dogs had an opportunity to play for the bronze medal and comfortably won.
The other netball medal winners were also from Victoria Police. First place went to the Victoria Police Netball Club and runners-up was the Valley Rats. All members from Wild Dogs tested themselves over the day, had fun and enjoyed a little healthy competition.
Leading senior constable Paula Fowler said the Emergency Services Games were an excellent way to connect with other police members and emergency services personnel in a fun, casual environment.
Snr cons Fowler has participated in the games several times and said it was a good opportunity to connect with members from other stations and even other units inside the same station.