LOVE IS ALL THE SAME
Same-sex marriage is legal in 21 countries including neighbour New Zealand across the ditch and more recently Ireland and the United States. Why not Australia, wonders the gay community?
FOR Sarah Worrall and Emma Finn, it’s still very early days in their relationship. They met a year ago while Sydneysider Sarah was holidaying in Byron Bay and Emma was visiting.
A month ago, Sarah moved to the Gold Coast so they could be together and they recently moved into an apartment in Varsity Lakes.
They live together. They are in a committed same-sex relationship. And they are also both extremely embarrassed.
Not because of their sexual orientation. They are quite comfortable with that. Both “came out” years ago.
No, they are embarrassed because Australia remains a country where same-sex marriage is not allowed for in law – and it doesn’t look like changing any time soon.
At least not while Prime Minister Tony Abbott is in charge.
He has made it clear he is opposed to same-sex marriage despite his own sister Christine Forster recently acknowledging she would like to marry her female partner one day.
Emma says: “It’s embarrassing for the country that we are not on a par with the United States or the United Kingdom. For the Australian gay community it is demeaning that we don’t have the same rights.
“We have got friends who are engaged and they are just waiting and waiting and waiting in this limbo hoping they can get married in their own country.”
Sarah adds: “There is a huge amount of frustration for couples who’ve been together for years. You hear stories of same-sex couples who have been together 30, 40 years, elderly couples from the States where they have passed the marriage act and they say we are finally able to have that piece of mind.”
Sarah calls it “shameful” that Australia has not followed suit: “Generations to come are going to look back at this era with shame. It’s just like when you had racial discrimination or women who weren’t able to vote, all these sorts of things that we now look back on and go how we were so backward.”
Across the ditch, neighbour New Zealand brought in marriage equality in April, 2013. More recently, Ireland voted it in in May this year and it was introduced across the United States last month. That ruling sparked a wave of support on social media with people streaking their Facebook profile photos in the colours of the rainbow in solidarity with the gay community.
Sarah did the same thing and both say it was a moment of excitement.
“But that excitement was quickly squashed by Tony Abbott.”
Emma: “Marriage is one of the oldest traditions in civilisation and we’re not entitled to it – for no reason. We represent everything that marriage represents. We just happen to be two females.”
Gold Coaster David Dibley is in no rush to get married despite being in a same-sex relationship for almost five years, saying “it really is just a piece of paper”.
But he also thinks it’s “very oldfashioned we haven’t jumped on board” and made it legal.
“Come on, it’s 2015 – get with the times. It’s putting a stigma on the community and making out that we are inequal and aren’t all the same because of our sexual preference. I have been with my partner nearly five years. We’re both business owners, both successful and one day I think it would be nice to celebrate our achievement of being together.”
Burleigh resident Nicole McLachlan who lives with partner of eight months, Jordyn d’Boer, says marriage isn’t “on my radar” but is an option same-sex couples should have available: “The fact it’s not, negatively impacts people in a lot of ways.”
Nicole says the main reason she wants to see Australia okay same-sex marriage is because not having it enshrined in law “reflects the opinion that it is abnormal to be in a same-sex relationship”.
“It’s important for everyone to feel accepted no matter their age or gender or sexual orientation. It’s really important for people to feel that connectedness.”
Nicole says she had a difficult time for several years struggling with her identity: “(But) I can’t even imagine what it would have been like 50 years ago, even 10 years ago. It would have been much harder.”
Older members of the Gold Coast gay community agree things have still come a long way.
Tweed Heads’ Helen, 72, grew up when homosexuality was illegal.
“I would give anything to be able to have been a proud gay lady in my 20s when my mother and grandmother were alive,” Helen says.
“I would have given anything to live a true and honest life.”
Like many people back then, she confined herself to a life in the closet. “I spent my life living a lie.” For more than 55 years, no one knew – not even her family.
“The times have changed. It’s so much easier now. In my days, it was an absolute disgrace.
“It was extremely difficult. I’d see an attractive woman and think ‘wow’ but I couldn’t do anything about it.”
Helen was 55 when she finally