Building better men, building a better world

For the better part of a decade, Gavin Topp’s Fight Like A Pro program has been strengthening men physically and mentally, providing a rite of passage he says is crucial because today’s man ‘doesn’t know how to grow up’

Bulletin MEN are in the fight of their lives.

In the one corner we have toxic masculinity, the social stereotype that pressures males to conform to misogynistic, aggressive and homophobic behaviours.

In the other corner is emasculation, the removal of male pride and empowerment that has resulted from the backlash against a patriarchal society. And in the middle are men themselves. Pummelled from both sides, it’s perhaps little wonder that former Australian boxing champion Gavin Topp’s Fight Like A Pro program is expanding exponential ly. In fact, the father of seven has just been forced to close his original gym at Burleigh after 10 years as it simply could not cope with the number wanting to access the program, which aims to strengthen men physically and mentally using boxing as its medium – and culminating in a live match at the Star Gold Coast.

Instead, he’s now in the process of launching Fight Like A Pro within a chain of gyms across the Gold Coast, and possibly interstate, to deal with the demand.

Meanwhile his charity Pride of Bettermen, built of men who have completed the Pro program, is quietly working to help women across the Gold Coast, including construction of The Sanctuary, a women, children and pet refuge.

But it’s not enough. Gavin says he’s overwhelmed by the struggles men are facing in the fight to define who they are and how they can be both strong and supportive.

So he’s launching another coaching program that’s less about boxing and more about the man in the ring.

“I’m putting the ‘men’ into mentoring,” says Gavin.

“Something is not right in our culture. We’re failing our men and that means failing our women too. And the children pay the price.

“Statistics show that one in four kids have witnessed

domestic violence, half of marriages end in divorce and suicide is a massive problem. We need to wake up that it’s time to change.

“The problem is that men don’t know how to grow up. There is no rite of passage like every other culture has had. At best you get drunk, get in a fight and get a chick and then you’re ‘one of the boys’. But that’s just it … you’re still just a boy. You might have the appearance of a man, but you’re stunted.

“Why are our blokes living at home ’til they’re 35 years old? Get out of the nest! Stand on your own two feet. Sure, living is tough and expensive in 2019, but it was the same in 1999 and 1981. Conditions are always tough, but we’re softer.

“Learning to box doesn’t make you a man, but the training that we do – the almost psychological training of who you are, defining what you stand for, why you’re doing this – shapes you. And the final boxing match, that’s your rite of passage. It’s where you prove yourself.

“We make an oath of who we are as men and we prove it in the ring. When you do it right, being a man is best thing in the world. I’m a man and I love it. I couldn’t be prouder.”

Gavin says many of the more than 1000 men who have completed the Fight Like A Pro program want to continue their journey of masculinity out of the ring.

To that purpose he created the charity, Pride of Bettermen.

“It’s written in our DNA to be a warrior. The boxing is the physical side of that, but being a warrior also means sacrificing yourself for the sake of your tribe, and that’s the charity side of it,” he says.

“To be a better man, others should benefit from who you are. It’s not about you. Your life doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to others, it belongs to the people you love.

“It sounds like a hard way to live in an age when it’s all about ‘I’. Look at us, addicted to our iPhones, iPads, the name says it all. But giving of yourself is actually the most satisfying, masculine way to live. We should be here to be of service.

“For the past 20-odd years I’ve been using myself as a test dummy, with my lovely wife and seven kids along for the ride. And I think the fact that we’re still happily married and close to our kids really says it all. Through the Pride of Bettermen I’ve extended that experiment and together we’ve worked to help build a housing refuge for women experiencing domestic violence. We’ve helped 170.

“The first few times I went out there, I was crying when I left. Those kids and those women – these are our neighbours, how can we not help? How could we let it get to this?”

Yet Gavin understands how quickly life can unravel for men. He says that in his twenties he was in a dark place and it was only through the guidance of his own mentors that he made it out alive.

“In my early 20s, I recognised that there was something missing in me. I was carrying on like a whacker, drinking and more. My wife and I have been together since she was 15 and I was 18, and I took her to hell and back.

“But when I got some great mentors around me, guys who were coaching me in boxing, I started to understand my purpose and my plan. Sometimes you don’t know your boundaries until you break them.

“That’s when I realised how important it is to make an oath to yourself. It’s goal-setting for your soul. The first oath I ever made was: Not any, not ever, no negotiation. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since, that’s 23 years. I came to my wife at that time and I said, if it’s all right I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. And that’s what I’ve done.”

Despite determining a wider need for a program of positive masculism, Gavin says he is still overwhelmed by the demand for help.

He says men not just from the Gold Coast but around Australia and the world have contacted him seeking a