Autism and dating, it’s a smash hit
It’s real, raw and the world has fallen head over heels for it – and the characters are having the time of their lives
WITH ANN WASON MOORE
IT’S the Australian dating show that the whole world has fallen in love with, but it’s been a heartbreaker for one of its stars.
Jodi Rodgers, who lives just over the border in northern NSW, has worked as a qualified sexologist and counsellor within the disability field for decades, but has suddenly found herself in the spotlight as the relationships specialist on ABC series Love on the Spectrum, now streaming internationally on Netflix. The docudrama follows the experiences of a group of young autistic people as they attempt to navigate the dating scene – a daunting task for anyone (see: The Bachelor et al) but made especially challenging for those on the spectrum.
And that’s where Jodi comes in. Her counselling, education and consulting service Birds and Bees, based in Alstonville, was created to make learning about relationships and sexuality both comfortable and relevant for people with disabilities. Using those skills, Jodi helped her Love on the Spectrum clients learn how to date for the first time, while also teaching the viewers cheering them on that people with autism love romance too.
Just as audiences around the globe have been smitten with the show, autistic people around the world are clamouring for Jodi’s help. And that’s where the heartbreak happens.
“This show has been a blessing and a curse,” says Jodi.
“It’s been wonderful to see autistic people represented in media and especially showing that love and relationships are so important to them. I also love that viewers are getting a real insight about living with a disability.
“But at the same time I’m getting emails that just make my heart break, people from all over the world are writing to me saying, ‘Hi, can you help me? I really want to learn how to date.’
“I write back to them all. Some of the emails are so sad and some are so funny – I got one today from someone who said they live in the middle of the forest in France – but it just breaks my heart that I can’t help them all.
“I think what this show has done has not only shown audiences that autistic people want love too, but shown autistic people that they can chase this dream. That they deserve a shot at romance.”
While her clients on the show didn’t necessarily find love, Jodi says her own relationship with them continues. In fact, she’s even co-writing a graphic novel with Love on the Spectrum client Kelvin Wong to teach dating skills to autistic people.
And in the happiest ending of all, she says season two of the show is already under way.
“Some of the people from season one will be back in season two, so I can’t give away too much, but the producers have just been inundated with people wanting to be on the show.
“I know a few things that are happening and I can promise you that the next season will be great.
“I actually originally said ‘no’ to being part of the show because I’m a therapist and in my job I would never meet someone, develop a relationship and then ghost them. If I’m going to work with them, I need to stay connected with them. And I have.
“Michael and I Skype once a month and Kelvin and I are writing a book together, which is hilarious.
“To write a graphic novel about dating with an autistic person through long distance is a very, very funny experience. I have learned so much.
“It shows a lot about the way that he and I think. I’ll write something, thinking it makes complete sense, and send it to him to draw the pictures. But what he draws is totally not what I was thinking, he reads my words in such a different way. It’s fascinating. We’re slowly getting through chapter eight and we have a really lovely relationship.”
Despite the rave reviews from critics and audiences alike, Jodi says there has been some negative feedback.
However, she says it largely comes from people who don’t understand the spectrum, highlighting the need for further education and integration of people with disabilities with neurotypical society.
Besides, she says many people, including herself, simply don’t understand the reality of how television is made.
“People don’t know the fiveminute snippet you’re seeing is from five hours of filming and conversation,” she says.
“They also don’t know that these young people are where they are because of the amazing years and years of support and therapy their parents have provided. It’s not fair to criticise these families when you have no idea of the path they have walked.
“All of the people are real people. There was no casting agent, the producers simply sent fliers to disability services.
“There were no setups. People ask me why we let Michael set up such a formal first date, wearing a suit and carrying a rose and booking such a formal restaurant, but that’s Michael all over. That’s who he is and we have to let him be himself.
“Even for me, the first time you see me on screen, that’s after I’ve just hopped off a 6.30am Rex flight. There was no hair or make-up, when I knocked on Michael’s door, that was literally the first time we’d met.
“It made me feel vulnerable, so imagine how the families felt. We all just had to trust the filmmakers, and they were fabulous – they’d had great training to support people with autism.
“I had no idea about TV. They got my name from someone who saw me presenting at a sexologist conference in Sydney, where I was talking about counselling people on the spectrum in sexual health.
“What I do on the show is just a slice of what I do in my job. But I never would have put my name to it if I didn’t think they had done a wonderful job. I’m so happy for the filmmakers, but especially happy for their subjects.”
Jodi says she has spent her entire professional life working in the disability sector.
While she began her career as a special education teacher, she was soon called to fill a gap in teaching sexual health.
“In the early 1990s I was teaching at a special education high school and the government announced that our students needed to follow the same curriculum as mainstream schools, which meant that Health and PE was included – which meant that we needed to teach sex ed.
“No one had ever been trained in that area for special ed students and I guess because I was the youngest teacher, I got that job.
“I was thrown in the deep end but it was really fascinating and rewarding, you see a whole new aspect to your students. We focus so much on giving them skills to get a job, but what about leading a full life?
“From there I really started to specialise in autism and I ended up working internationally, earning four qualifications and a masters degree, becoming a qualified sexologist and counsellor and I spent about 12 years working with Autism Spectrum Australia before setting up Birds and Bees.
“It sounds wanky, but I just have a really strong sense of social justice. I have a really, really strong belief in inclusion and non-separation, whether that be based on ability, race, religion or sexual orientation. People are people and love is love.
“I was watching (Australian Paralympian) Dylan Alcott speak one time and I got a bit teary because he was saying sex and dating are really important to people with a disability. And when you think about it, of course they are, but no one wants to think about it.
“No matter who you are or what your ability is, you want to be someone’s number one.”
Jodi says although Love on the Spectrum debuted on ABC last year, it truly resonated with audiences in 2020, not just due to its international release on Netflix, but because of the year itself. She says in a time of terrible news and tragedy, it provides a ray of hope and humanity. “I think this has been a really shocking year, a really terrible, awful year – and that show is like four episodes of hope and magic that make your heart burst.
“The reaction has been incredible. It’s been manic for me, I’ve been fielding calls from the Los Angeles Times, the Boston Globe … it’s crazy for a disability sexologist in northern NSW.
“I can’t tell you the offers I’ve been getting to fly around the world and train the staff of entire companies, to run workshops, to set up sites. They can contact me because I run a business, we were all told to lock down our social media sites before the show first aired. Although if Michael had social media, he’d probably be married by now … I’ve been asked for his number by that many people.”