YES, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM

BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR SHORTCOMINGS WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ADDRESSING THE REAL ISSUE

There are some books that resonate so strongly for their story that they can shift a person’s perspective in the time that it takes to read them. I’ve just read one of those and I’ll share the name a little further on as I want to frame why it’s such a great read for anyone, business leader, parent, couple or even teens.

In much of Rowena’s and my work we are engaged to support organisations, businesses, teams or individuals to find a path to the future and supporting them to develop that path we, by necessity, run a reality check with them on where they are now.

The questions put forward are simple; “What’s working well in your current state?” and “What needs to be done differently or improved in order to get to where you want to be?”

Our role then is to create a space that is safe for everyone to explore how they have come to this position and to honour, value and listen to each person, working with the team, organisation, business or couple, for their unique perspective on the reasons they are where they are.

It’s important we do that without judgment, simply collecting insight.

It is usually apparent that issues that arise for people which aren’t either systems or organisational issues, are generated from a collision of expectations, poor communication or the view of one person about another.

With that last often being the one that impacts the others. We all have a view of how our life or work should be and will often blame others for the choices we’ve made not to change ourselves; instead, we set up a justification of why we act towards others in a negative sense, telling ourselves that they need to change and then things can improve.

And then we will often tell people what they need to do differently with the result that we usually create more resistance from them.

We get so anchored in our own position, our own reality, and our own needs that we lose sight of the person on the other side of the situation, seeing them more as an object in our way rather than a beating heart with their own challenges, their own needs and priorities.

A while ago I had the experience in taking a small leadership team who were having conflict between each other through a very revealing and healing conversation where they allowed themselves to open up to each other in a truly genuine way, each person owning the issues that were preventing them from performing well together and accepting the responsibility for change and then developing a collective plan to go forward. What had been hidden in assumption, avoidance and antagonism was revealed as fear, judgment and ego.

With honesty, authenticity, vulnerability and laughter we worked together to open the team to greater possibility and I’m delighted that in my communications with them recently they are sustaining their commitment to each other.

So, coming back to my first comment on this book which is called Leadership and SelfDeception it highlighted the power of change and the importance of developing an awareness of self and others as people, each with a story, each wanting to do well, operating in the framework of their own beliefs, different and equal.

It talks about being in the box or out of it. See people as people rather than as objects either in your way or to be used.

In a simple way it reinforces for me the statement that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know in the environment in which they find themselves. Our role, all of us, is to help each other to be that.