UNLEASHING JOY

HOW OFTEN ARE YOU REMINDED THAT HOW YOU WERE RAISED STILL HAS AN EFFECT ON HOW YOU LIVE NOW?

Iwas talking to my sister in London recently when this awareness came up during a conversation about some similarities between us in terms of our behaviour.

On the surface it was about her partner watching TV taking up most of the couch, getting comfortable with plenty of cushions and watching what he wants.

Some of you may be able to relate. What we realised was that we don’t do that, not because we don’t want to feel comfortable, more that it doesn’t really cross our minds.

We tend to sit very much in our own space, contained and not encroaching on others and we both realised where that came from. Growing up.

The image was of me and both my sisters in the back of the car on, what seemed at the time like a very a long journey.

It was generally me in the middle as my sisters didn’t always get on or more likely that, being the youngest I didn’t get a choice and was told what to do.

I do remember we all sat quietly, being very well behaved and entertained by endless rounds of I Spy, snoozing or reading a book until we got car sick; for hours on end, never complaining apart from the frequent “Are we there yet?”

We were all raised to be polite, quiet, wellbehaved and compliant under clear direction from our firm (and mostly fair) mother.

Whether standing up straight, speaking when spoken to, keeping our fingers out of our noses, visiting shops, greeting guests or doing our homework, any unacceptable behaviour was hastily corrected, and we seldom strayed.

I was also closely watching what my sisters were getting into trouble for and learned quickly not to do what they did, which served me well.

My point is that the influence of our upbringing runs deep within all of us. The rules and regulations, the way things are in this house, what you can and can’t do, say and not say, think and not think, how to eat, drink, dress, etc.

My mother was raised in a semi-Victorian household with very strict parents which was reflected in her own parenting style, and like everyone, she was doing the best she could with what she knew.

I’m still polite, well-behaved and contained in some situations and you might think there’s nothing wrong with that, except that, over time, it capped my natural joy, expression and ability to be spontaneous in life which is certainly how I was as a young child.

It saddens me that I have grown more serious over time and have found myself capping my joyful and playful nature when it bubbles up spontaneously at times.

It’s as though my mother’s voice is still echoing in my head, “Don’t get above yourself”, which I took to mean, settle down and be quiet, you’re embarrassing me.

Yet it reminds me that it’s still there and keen to make its presence felt, however deeply it may have been buried, and offers the opportunity to rekindle my natural joy and wonder of life.

We all get a bit too serious sometimes, particularly in these past 20 months when everything has seemed strange and unusual with little light relief.

So how about finding what brings you joy and adding it to your life?