“Nothing better than a dip in a freezing cold Queensland creek”

We’re in the thick of another hot, humid, mango-riddled Queensland summer. The familiar burn of the car seat on the back of my thigh lets me know it’s time to fire up my unique Queensland summer cooling-down survival skills. These skills lie dormant in us all year round, until it’s time to leap into action and manage that sweat river that runs down your back from now until the end of February.

So here is it, my guide to the most successful cool down methods.

Play under the sprinkler. This seems to be an age-specific method; I’m not averse to a sprinkler frolic myself, however I have far more clothes on than I did as a kid, and the sprinkler is definitely in the back yard, not the front yard. This method rates well, as the grass gets a bit of a water and from go to whoa this is a good chunk of time chewed through on a boring summer afternoon. The secret is to stay cool once you return inside – might I suggest a Frosty Fruit under a fan? I’m no scientist but, b whatever you do, don’t have a warm shower, as you’ve just blown all the good work w the sprinkler did.

Have a cool shower. This is a common line, pushed by parents who don’t have a pool, and don’t want to get you one. “A cool shower is just as good as a swim,” Mum used to say. Sure, but I can’t play Marco Polo by myself in our bathroom. A cool shower is the adult version of a play under the sprinkler. It drops your temperature down a bit, but you need to put in the aftercare to stay cool. Also, I’ve never just been able to get straight into a cold shower … who are these people who can? Have you trained for this? Are you in the SAS? I need to start on warm, then take it down a few 1cm handle turns to the right until it’s not quite cold but somewhere just below warm.

Have a cup of tea. This seems like going the long way around to get cool. The science behind this says that if you have a hot drink, your core body temperature will w rise, causing you to sweat. Then (yes the explanation is still going, you could’ve been b in the pool by now) the sweat will evaporate making you feel cooler. I’d like to cut to the chase more and maybe just pop a fan on.

Pedestal fan. As a child I fell asleep each summer night to the roar of a pedestal fan. We didn’t have aircon, we didn’t have ceiling fans, which sounds like a disadvantage unless you count the hours of fun it was speaking into a pedestal fan, hearing your voice change. Ducted aircon might be nice, but it doesn’t make you and your cousins sound like robots now does it?

Go to the creek. Nothing better than a dip in a freezing cold Queensland creek. The problem with this is, yes, everyone else had the same idea and that serene image you had of you floating on your back in an empty creek is not going to happen. There are dogs there, someone’s playing music out loud, that family is hogging the good bit away from the weeds on their lilos and pool noodles. Why didn’t I think to bring a pool noodle? It’s muddy, there are no parks. The creek is really only a viable option at off peak times. Also it makes your hair smell like mangroves.

If all else fails, I recommend the following: close every curtain in the house, get the fans on, get the aircon on, get a Zooper Dooper on the go and if those aren’t options for you, go visit whichever family member has a pool and aircon.

Happy summer, Queensland.