PHIL BROWN
Irecently joined a gym. And whenever I’m there lifting weights I think of Kenny Bania, the loser comedian who so annoys Jerry in Seinfeld. You may recall the episode in which Bania tells Jerry that he’s been going to the gym too.
Jerry asks how he is and Bania replies. “Great. I’ve been working out. Went from a size 40 to a 42.” “No kidding,” says Jerry to which Bania replies … “Yeah, I’m huge.”
I can report that I am not huge but I am enjoying it. I started feeling healthier as soon as I joined, which shows a certain degree of mind over matter. I don’t mind and it doesn’t matter. I like our gym (my wife joined too) because it feels kind of like a country club. It has a cafe, pool, tennis courts and ample parking. Although my wife went the other morning at 5.45 to do her pilates class and she came home and said the car park was full. I can report that I will never be going to the gym at that time of the morning. I prefer a more sensible hour, usually around lunchtime.
The first time I went to a gym was on the Gold Coast when I worked at The Gold Coast Bulletin as a young fellow. I used to go with a mate for the exercise classes. That didn’t last long as I was more into nightclubbing than exercising. Later I tried again, joining a gym popular with body builders. One of them happened to be my brother who was into competitive body building at the time. (He once worked out with Arnold
Schwarzenegger at Bob’s Gym on the Goldie). I went to my brother’s Kiwi mate Steve’s gym for a little while but I felt a bit intimidated because everyone was so damned cut. I have always been slim rather than musclebound. I may have mentioned before that my father said I was built “like a racing tadpole”. His nickname for me was Gandhi, which, on reflection, was not so bad.
For many years I didn’t do any exercise until, after a 10-year hiatus, I started surfing again in my 30s. To keep toned for that I used to do a dumbbell routine at home accompanied by Handel’s Messiah, my preferred workout music. They don’t play Handel at my current gym though, more’s the pity. Hint hint.