Bizarre baby names can scar them for life
CONTROVERSIAL baby names are a key requirement of modern celebrity parenthood. Just ask Bear Blu, Stormi, Blue Ivy and Cricket Pearl, who all have very well-known parents.
This week, a new celebrity baby name storm blew up, thanks to UK reality TV star Molly-mae Hague.
Already burdened with juggling the competing roles of Instagram influencer and WAG, Molly-mae came under fire for the name she’s called her baby – Bambi.
Oh, “deer”. Her full name is Bambi Fury because her father is boxer Tommy Fury.
The name is perfect if she wants to be a porn star but not so great if she’s aiming to be Prime Minister.
Amid a barrage of criticism on social media, Molly-mae insisted the name was “beautiful” and “unique” and wasn’t “just made up”.
Such was the backlash that some were forced to defend the Love Island star, reminding critics that “influencers are people, too”.
You’re probably thinking that Bambi isn’t that bad compared to some names out there.
You’d be right. Twitter owner Elon
Musk and singer Grimes called their child X Æ A-12?
Another controversial choice is Metta IV. Get it? It’s pronounced Metaphor. The mother posted on social media about her “sacred” birth journey. She said that during the birth, she and her partner had “communicated through sound and telepathy for the whole ride” until the baby girl “emerged from her waters” and was “welcomed to Earth”.
What a pity they didn’t communicate about the lifetime of teasing that’s ahead for their daughter.
A US mother also hit the headlines with her choice of children’s names: Kentlea, Odin, Hyltserk and Ivar, with nasty people posting that they sound like furniture items from Ikea.
There’s also an American mother who called her baby after a character from The Addams Family – Wednesday.
But the mum wanted to put her own twist on it, so she spelled it Wednesdaigh.
Yes, of course she did. Her other children are called Ma’kynnleigh,
Emma’leigh and Jaxx’syn, so I guess the new bub was never going to be called Anna or Kate.
There will always be those who want to stand out with their baby names, just as there will always be people around to comment on their choices.
When comedian Amy Schumer called her baby Gene Attell, everyone rushed to point out that it sounded like Genital.
One US father received a similar amount of negative feedback when he went public with his choice for his boy’s name: Pheart.
Maybe it’s because it’s made up and has weird spelling or perhaps because it sounds a lot like “fart”.
It’s possible the P is silent and the name really is Heart. Then, why bother with the silent (but deadly) P?
Parents wanting to choose something unique forget they are committing their offspring to a lifetime of repeating their name and being asked to spell it.
That’s the thing with names: parents go with something trendy and novel, only to subject their offspring to 85 years of explaining their name is Hermione, not Hormone.
The weird baby name craze has become so popular that officials have been forced to step in to protect parents from their own choices.
In France recently, authorities stopped a child being called Nutella but let through Jihad.
So, what’s ahead? Will we see a spate of Covids, Coronas, Ubers, Mykis and Metas?
Experts predict Wild West names such as Levi, Butch, Billy and Mae will be popular, along with names inspired by outer space such as Cosmo, Ariel and Luna.
It’s a good idea to type any prospective name into your phone to check the auto-correct or predictive text.
Parents have had a few embarrassing moments finding out that Aida becomes Aids, Orla changes to Oral and Cameron becomes Camel toe.
Be careful, too, when naming your child after the place they were conceived.
Most of you will have heard of Brooklyn Beckham, the son of David and Victoria Beckham, but less wellknown is Number 16 Bus Shelter, a New Zealand kid.
And don’t worry about trying to be too unique because these days no one is as unique as they think they are.
Even the name Unique has hit the top 1000 name list in the US because so many people have had the same non-unique idea.
Above all, bear in mind that you are not naming a baby but a grownup. Excuses such as “I was high on drugs” and “Your father wanted it” are little comfort for kids who spend a lifetime judged on being called Metta IV, Genital and Pheart.
The name is perfect if she wants to be a porn star but not so great if she’s aiming to be Prime Minister.