Ingear Watches

There are few ways to look like more of a douche bag than turning up to a driving event in your own Nomex, Simpson Bandit and matching race gloves and shoes, but the virtues of the correct gear are undeniable. Thankfully, Italian cobbler Piloti offers a range of top-quality handmade footwear that has been crafted specifically for driving, yet remains cool and contemporary. Fine leather upper in a range of colours will blend in on the street but supple construction and a thin tyre-tread sole with rounded heel enables your fanciest footwork, whether it be in the footwell or on the d-flo. Now all you have to do is keep your WRX out of the cat litter and no one will point and laugh. Piloti Pistone driving shoes $210 piloti.com That price is not a typo. Even if this beautiful representation of one of Porsche’s greatest race cars was lovingly crafted by a welloiled team of Swedish underwear models, using unicorn bone and Martian gold, we still can’t think of a single reason it costs the same as a used Boxster – a 1:1-scale one. At least Porsche has gone to great lengths to justify the cost of this limited edition piece in the description. It’s ‘in red/white’ with ‘black interior’, it says. Porsche 917 Salzburg 1:8 scale model $21,136 shop3.porsche.com/australia Why would you aspire to spend any time in one of Mclaren’s psychotic GT3 racers? Like most endurance machines, they’re hot, claustrophobic and if you happen to make contact with one of the 50 other cars on the track, you could end up going backwards into a barrier while watching your legs barbecue. If you simply must get a Mclaren GT3 steering wheel in your hands, you might prefer this exact replica from Fanatec for your gaming simulator. You’ll need to plug it into the corresponding base (from $499) but the unit offers one of the most authentic Mclaren racing simulation experiences without ever having to wriggle into a cage. Fanatec CSL Elite Mclaren GT3 simulator wheel $260 fanatec.com/au No longer will you have to swing by an early-opener cafe to fill your cabin with the intoxicating whiff of delicious sizzling bacon, thanks to this unorthodox air ‘freshener’. Its maker says the streaky mirror ornament looks and smells like smoky bacon and may be responsible for a sudden BLT craving. If Homer Simpson declares this not weird at all, who are we to argue? Bacon air ‘freshener’ $4.62 mcphee.com

Lion fans, prepare your wallets. TW Steel has revealed this officially licensed watch that celebrates the 50th anniversary of Holden’s maiden Bathurst victory. It’s called the Holden Monaro GTS 327 Limited Edition, and the Dutch watch brand is already taking pre-orders for the 327 numbered timepieces to be produced. It’s based on TW Steel’s Volante collection with a large 48mm stainless steel case. The dial and matching leather strap recognise the winning Monaro’s Warwick Yellow and black paintwork, with a bold number 13 featuring prominently as emblazoned on the car’s doors. The movement is sourced from Japanese brand Miyota, and a hardened crystal with sapphire coating is set within a black bezel. Order books opened on July 1, so get moving. TW Steel Holden Monaro GTS 327 $327 twsteel.com

It’s a good month for people who like boxy watches. The name Bell & Ross is synonymous with square timepieces, like the latest collaborations between it and the Renault Sport Formula 1 Team. The two companies have worked together for three years, and recently expanded the co-branded collection with three new R.S.18 chronographs launched in March. The most accessible is the Bell & Ross BR 03-94 with carbonfibre dial and skeletonised sub-dials as pictured here, which is limited to 999 pieces. The 42mm case with sapphire crystal is made from titanium and water resistant to 100m. Rarer (and more expensive) versions with fully skeletonised dials are also available. Bell & Ross BR 03-94 R.S.18 $10,500 bellross.com

Two coloured stripes are all it takes to boost the iconic Heuer Monaco to new levels of enthusiast appeal. The Monaco is already notable for two reasons: its square shape and the Steve Mcqueen connection. Mcqueen famously wore one during the filming of his 1981 movie Le Mans, and this special edition draws inspiration from his race car’s unmistakable Gulf livery. Within the distinctive 39mm case is TAG’S legendary Calibre 11 movement – one of the first automatic chronographs – with its winding crown unusually offset on the left and sporty pushers on the right. But this particular Monaco is all about the dial. Those standout stripes sit over a lovely blue starburst base. TAG Heuer Monaco Calibre 11 Gulf 2018 $7650 tagheuer.com

Remarkably, after too many decades to mention doing this job, I have never driven the Nurburgring, nor even seen it, so when the invitation came to attend the launch of the new Aston Martin DB11 AMR at the fabled German track, I was on the plane faster than one of Trump’s lawyers being offered asylum in South America.

Imagine my delight, then, when I checked into a hotel right on the track, the main straight just metres from my balcony. But then I read the itinerary and realised that the key word was ‘at’ the Nurburgring, not on it. Like many other car companies, Aston has a development centre at the Nerd-schleife and it was here that it would show us the car, before sending us on a road drive.

After flying into a foul rage, I decided to try to pretend I wasn’t at the track at all. Then, midmope, I looked down and realised the circuit layout had been sewn into the carpet – in my room, in the halls, every bloody where. Even the U-bend in my toilet looked like a hairpin.

Then I tried to get on with some work, twitching my curtains shut like a furious fishwife, only to be dragged immediately back to the balcony by the sound of some mug punter hilariously spinning his BMW M3 right outside my window. I felt a bit like that poor bloke in Game of Thrones who had his penis hacked off, frankly.

Fortunately, life likes to deliver its share of small mercies and unexpected surprises as well, and I was happy to discover the next day that Aston can now make decent cars. The DB11 AMR was big, shouty fun, and made more so by the joy of driving in Germany, something I’d not done for many years.

It’s annoying to admit, but the Germans are brilliant at some things, and driving is one of them. It’s not just the speeds – although they are highly practical, concentration-focusing and fun – it’s the fact that you virtually never see bad German drivers.

This is not an accident, nor a genetic quirk, it is simply down to the most intelligent regulatory system in the world, as a young German I drove with explained, after I’d shocked him into goggle-eyed disbelief by telling him that we let parents teach our children how to drive.

In Germany, Nikolas told me, getting your licence will cost you between 1500 and 2000 euros, and can take months. It involves a minimum of 20, 45-minute on-road lessons, and 20 theory lessons. These sessions are so intense that most people take 10 or 20 private sessions beforehand, just to be ready for them.

The driving test is then broken into theory and practical and the on-road part features Autobahn driving at high speed (imagine, Learners doing more than 80km/h!), night driving, and emergency brake and swerve manoeuvres. It is designed to be very, very hard, as you’d expect.

When I told Nikolas how the system works in our country he became visibly upset, locked eyes with me and said “you have to fix this, seriously”. If only I wasn’t so busy feeing sorry for myself.

I read the Aston Martin itinerary and realised that the key word was ‘at’ the Nurburgring, not on it