THERE ARE SO MANY AWARDS SHOWS – AND I CAN’T COPE

WHO - - The List - Gavin Scott

Jan­uary and Fe­bru­ary mean one thing in the en­ter­tain­ment world: awards shows. Yes, we’re star­ing down the bar­rel of two months of Hol­ly­wood slap­ping it­self on the back, cul­mi­nat­ing in the Academy Awards – the high­est hon­our for the film­mak­ing pro­fes­sion.

Pre­vi­ously, the only awards shows you’d ever hear about were the Golden Globes (which have just hap­pened) and the Os­cars (add Mon., Feb. 25 to your cal­en­dar). Now, ev­ery­thing from the Crit­ics’ Choice Awards (airs Mon., Jan. 14 at 11am; FOX8) to the Screen Ac­tors Guild Awards (Mon., Jan. 28) re­ceives blan­ket cov­er­age.

Throw in the AACTA In­ter­na­tional Awards (which have just been handed out), the BAFTA Film Awards (Mon., Feb. 11) and, for some­thing dif­fer­ent, the Gram­mys (the same day as the BAF­TAS), and you’re look­ing at a re­lent­less stream of red car­pets, song-and-dance rou­tine open­ing num­bers and hours-long cer­e­monies. It’s a lot.

Even the most com­mit­ted celebrity watcher would have to ad­mit to awards-show fa­tigue by the time the Os­cars roll around. The same faces nom­i­nated for the same roles in the same movies say­ing the same things in their ac­cep­tance speeches and red car­pet in­ter­views. At least the ac­tresses’ dresses will be dif­fer­ent each time.

“There’s an easy so­lu­tion,” I hear you say­ing. “Don’t watch the awards shows.” Is that re­ally an op­tion, though? Putting aside the fact that it’s my job to be across these things, if I want to have any idea what peo­ple are talk­ing about on so­cial me­dia on the day of the awards, I need to tune in be­cause you never know when Wi­nona Ry­der is go­ing to pull a meme-wor­thy face on­stage or Ricky Ger­vais is go­ing to make an out­ra­geous joke at a fel­low ac­tor’s ex­pense.

When ev­ery­one is tweet­ing about Jen­nifer Lawrence stack­ing it up the stairs to ac­cept her tro­phy, or how they should for­get about stupid stunts like send­ing Mar­got Rob­bie and Gal Gadot into a nearby cin­ema to sur­prise some “or­di­nary folk” and just get on with the awards, I want to know what they are talk­ing about in­stead of scram­bling to catch up. And that’s the thing – these vi­ral mo­ments can hap­pen at any point in any one of the var­i­ous awards shows.

You never know when the pre­sen­ters are go­ing to read out the wrong name or a win­ner is go­ing to go on a rant about Pres­i­dent Trump in their speech – ac­tu­ally, that last one is bound to hap­pen more often than not – and so not watch­ing is not an op­tion. My so­lu­tion: one awards show. For ev­ery­thing. It could go on all day if it had to, but then at least our work would be done. Un­til then, I guess I’ll be tun­ing in. •

In decades to come, peo­ple will re­mem­ber where they were when this hap­pened. Joanna Lum­ley is re­turn­ing as host of this year’s BAFTA Film Awards.

The Os­cars are long enough al­ready with­out this kind of non­sense.

It’s not the same read­ing about Ger­vais’ jokes on­line as hear­ing them live.

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