FIVE KIDS AND COUNTING
James Van Der Beek’s extraordinary family life
In a travel ordeal that could fluster even the most unflappable of parents, James Van Der Beek and his wife, Kimberly, faced an 11-hour delay while on their way home to Los Angeles from a cross-country vacation with their five young children. But rather than despair at the cancelled flight or a 4am layover, the veteran actor focused on his youngest daughter, Gwendolyn, who was a year old at the time. “She was upset, and I took her out of her seat and put her on me, and she stopped crying,” James recalls, tearing up. “In that moment I realised, I’m good at this. Regardless of everything careerwise or what job comes next, this young beautiful soul needed her dad, and I can be there for her. Everything else springs out of that.”
Now James, the former Dawson’s Creek heartthrob who is winning new fans as a current frontrunner on Dancing with the Stars (US), is set to welcome another baby next April, rounding out a sextet of children less than 10 years old. (The couple are parents to Olivia, 9, Joshua, 7, Annabel, 5, Emilia, 3, and Gwendolyn, now 16 months.) “I do find that six kids often requires an explanation,” James says with a laugh. “But we have watched our lives change with each kid. And the added love brought into the house lights everyone up in a way that is undeniable.” In announcing the pregnancy last month, James, 42, and Kimberly, 37, also opened up about enduring three miscarriages in the past. “It’s one of the hardest things,” says Kimberly. “But it’s so important to talk about.” Adds James: “I wanted to encourage people, especially men, to give themselves space to grieve the loss of that expectation. It’s a major life event, and it deserves to be recognised.” For James, who shot to fame in 1998 on Dawson’s Creek before going on to find success in films like Varsity Blues and on the comedy series Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, marriage and family were a lifelong dream. He met Kimberly, a business consultant, in 2009 while on an organised trip to Israel, and just more than a year later, the couple were married and new parents to Olivia.
Still, growing their family at a fast clip wasn’t necessarily a plan. “It surprised me every time,” says Kimberly, though she notes, “There have been times where we have prevented [getting pregnant] and then just kind of stopped preventing.” But when it came to trying for a sixth, James and Kimberly were on the same page. “We had serious questions whether it was the right thing or not,” admits Kimberly. “The biggest concern was having enough one-on-one time with each child. And it’s getting wildly expensive to travel!” But ultimately the couple, who don’t have a nanny but rely on help from a housekeeper and the occasional babysitter, “felt another child knocking at our door,” says Kimberly. “We looked at our kids, and they’re a tribe, and they take care of each other, and we’re like, ‘We’ve got this.’ I wouldn’t say the more children the merrier is for everybody. But for us it works very harmoniously with our lives.” Certainly, adjustments have been made. “Our date nights have significantly decreased,” Kimberly says with a laugh. “It’s now sitting on the couch ordering in and snuggling up, but
“No parent is perfect. Forgiving our mistakes opens us up”
I’m down for that!” For James, who shuttles the kids around (they are homeschooled but attend activities and take some classes with other kids a few days a week), even a 90-minute bedtime routine means cherished quality time with each of his children. “For me it’s about consistency and focus of time rather than quantity,” he explains. “It can be exhausting, but it makes such a difference. And we do love the chaos.”
James and Kimberly’s frank and funny revelations on social media have amassed loyal followers who check in for James’ musings about fatherhood or Kimberly’s advice on clean baby products. Their posts have also inspired various debates, over topics ranging from home births (only Olivia was born in a hospital) to homeopathic remedies. “I’m not in control of how you are going to interpret me,” says Kimberly of the occasional online backlash. “You can take inspiration [from me] or make up your own mind, but hopefully it expands.” Ultimately the couple’s central focus remains on their own family – and on continuing to strengthen their partnership. “I don’t want to make people sick, but we’ve really learned how to communicate with each other,” says James. “We know how to argue in a way that’s productive. It’s about getting rid of the expectation that a relationship is perfect and learning to accept your faults.”
For inquiring minds, a seventh child is not necessarily off the table for the Van Der Beeks. “The desire to adopt has not left me,” says Kimberly. “But one step at a time!”
For James the old adage of days being long and years short rings true. “I know the day will come that I will be making pancakes and nobody will be pulling on my pant legs or asking me 20 times when they’ll be ready,” he says. “And honestly, I dread that day.”