SEXUAL WELLNESS
Let’s talk about sex, baby
We’ve long understood the importance of maintaining our physical wellbeing by eating well and exercising regularly. And more recently we’ve come to understand the benefit of taking care of our mental wellbeing, too, with many of us trying meditation or practising mindfulness. But there’s another facet of our lives we’ve been neglecting that’s just as important: sex.
WHAT EXACTLY IS SEXUAL WELLNESS?
Melbourne-based sexologist Chantelle Otten (@chantelle_otten_sexologist) describes sexual wellness as something that’s all encompassing. “It’s how you feel within your sexual self, how you’re able to develop on your sexual self-esteem, how interested you are in your sexual life and how motivated you are towards your sexuality,” she says.
The mental, physical and emotional connection to sex looks different for everyone, and is entirely personal. But when you experience a lack of alignment, Otten explains there’s certain signs you might notice.
“If you feel like you’re lacking [sexual wellness], you might not feel motivated to have sex,” she says. “Maybe you feel like there are concerns, or you’re worried, or maybe you just have a few questions around your sexuality that are bothering you.”
Otten says that having these concerns or questions may be the biggest symptom in and of itself that something for you isn’t quite right and needs to be addressed. Most importantly, it’s essential to know that this curiosity around your sex preference and pleasure is perfectly OK.
“Know that you deserve to be looking at improving on your sexual wellness, and that sex is a fundamental aspect of a healthy overall quality of life that we all deserve,” says Otten.
HOW TO GET BACK INTO YOUR GROOVE
Just like everything in life, improving your sexual wellness takes work. Power is knowledge and the more information you gain, the better.
“Sexuality doesn’t come automatically,” says Otten. “It’s something that needs to be prioritised. Unfortunately, we live in a society that didn’t have adequate sex education, which has left a lot of people feeling that they are not well-versed with what is happening within their sexual self.”
“Basically, the more you know, the easier it is to discuss with someone else, or to work with a specialist, or to find an answer for yourself on how to improve [your sexual wellness].”
Otten’s advice is to start exploring social media and looking up sexperts – reading their content, and listening to their podcasts – so you’re able to educate yourself, while becoming more and more comfortable with the topic of sex.
PLAY TIME
We know sexual wellbeing is about more than just sex or masturbation, but both are no doubt significant components. However, it appears women are missing out more than men.
A recent Australian study found only 42 per cent of women regularly masturbate, compared to 72 per cent of men.
As for why, Otten believes it’s possible women felt less comfortable than men when reporting their habits. But it’s more likely women are just having fewer orgasms than men. She explains this orgasm gap is largely the result of women experiencing shame around self-pleasure.
“Women don’t get taught about pleasure, they don’t get taught about the clitoris,” she says.“For a lot of women, they don’t know how to masturbate, because they’ve never been taught that it is for them.”
But with stars like Abbie Chatfield recently releasing her own vibrator in collaboration with the Vush sex-toy brand to put self-love in the spotlight, it’s time to change that and get into bed with ourselves.
“We are our best sexual partner,” Otten says. “So the more we’re able to work with ourselves with sex toys, the better we can incorporate that into our sexual lives.”