How to GET OVER A BREAKUP
In a WHO exclusive, Cathrine Mahoney shares how she recovered from a high-profile divorce
Breaking up is hard to do, but for former celeb publicist Cathrine Mahoney, it also came with the added attention of divorcing one of the most famous athletes in the country. In her hilarious and self-deprecating memoir Currently Between Husbands, Mahoney opens up about her high-profile split from NRL legend Andrew Johns, along with various other experiences, such as fashion mistakes, working with some of the world’s biggest stars at Sony Music and navigating life as a “solo” mum.
Here, the Not Another Parenting Podcast host reveals her tips for healing after a breakup…
DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF
A friend who was 18 months further down the divorce path gave me this priceless advice one night on the phone: Don’t judge yourself. Don’t judge what you eat, what you drink or how much you cry. Because one day you get to the end and think, “I didn’t cry today.” This made me feel a bit more normal as I was going through a tub of Lurpak butter, a jar of Hellmann’s mayo, several containers of cornichons, lots of wine and plenty of tears weekly.
ACTUALLY, BACK TO THE TEARS...
Better in than out, as they say. Try not to bury your feelings, you have to “feel the feels”; there is no way around it. I found watching a sad film (The Notebook for me) or putting on breakup songs helped open the flood gates. A friend told me she did her best crying in the shower and allowed herself a 15-minute meltdown. Sadly, some of my most ugly, snot-bubble crying was done in the car (and cost me a demerit point and a fine as I accidentally ran a red) and also in front of the lady at Medicare when I went in to change my surname on my card.
GLASS HALF-FULL (AND I DON’T JUST MEAN THE WINE)
In the early days of the breakup, when my world felt like it had ended and getting out of bed was a struggle, I knew I had to surround myself with positive friends. Avoid “ghouls”: distant friends who swoop in for the gossip and dine out on drama. If this means pulling your friendship group in tight for a time, do it!
TRY THERAPY
One size doesn’t fit all, so take your time tracking down the right therapy and therapist for you. When my marriage ended, I wanted to find someone who was forward-focused and could give me the tools I needed to get myself back on track, as I felt completely lost. I saw the sessions with my therapist as a “personal trainer” for my mind and soul. I learnt that the only person who could affect my mood was me, I learnt to work on where I focused my energy, and, best of all, I found my joy again.
TREAT YOURSELF
This could be a facial, a candle, a new dress, or an update to your underwear drawer. I spend most of my time in a “fuller cotton brief ” but buying beautiful lingerie (a new red set from Marks & Spencer) can help lift my mood. Treat yourself; one day someone new will see you in them but in the meantime, you just feel sexy for you.
KEEP BUSY
I found keeping my dance card full and saying “yes” to everything was key in the first 12 months. It is exhausting sometimes but the alternative is feeling sad on the sofa. If you have children, load up with playdates. However, it is often the times you are child-free (especially on the weekends and holidays) that can be the toughest. Stay connected and let those closest to you know that you might need to crash their family Easter – but maybe not their romantic weekends away!
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Even though my son gave the best smallpeople-squeezes, I missed being touched. I would get my hugs from friends and family. Don’t be afraid to say you need a cuddle from those closest to you or, in my case, anyone I thought I could get one from! When I could treat myself to a massage, that would help too (I just remembered that was another place I “ugly cried” – sorry to the lovely masseuse!).
JOURNALLING, MEDITATION AND MANIFESTING
I found writing a cathartic outlet and a great way to heal. My tip is to avoid playing out any separation drama over social media. (In my case, I just wrote a book – ha!) Meditation helped me quieten my mind and manifesting helped me create a positive new life and future.
DANCE LIKE NO-ONE IS WATCHING
Listening to music daily is a non-negotiable for me. I can’t go a day without my tunes. Music is an instant mood booster – I couple it with morning walks or a dance-off in the lounge for some good exercise too. So much music features in my story that I have curated a “Currently Between Husbands” playlist, available on Apple and Spotify.
IT TAKES TIME
Longer than you hope, but not as long as you think. As clichéd as it sounds, time really is the best healer; you can’t fast-track feelings like a priority lane at the airport. . . and if you did, it would all catch up with you eventually. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise, even if you need to bring your own torch!