‘Meet our three gay sons’
Brenda and Warren Mcgregor are just like any other parents. The couple have four children – three sons and a daughter – for whom they have many hopes. Like all mums and dads, what they’ve always wanted is for their children to have happy relationships marked by a milestone: a wedding day.
But there is an obstacle for the Mcgregors in getting their long-held wish – their three sons’ inability to marry their long-term partners under Australian law.
All three are gay, and the Mcgregors are hoping the current postal survey will give their sons the opportunity to see their relationships become marriages in Australia.
Their daughter, Olympic runner Haley Field, 38, married some years ago and it’s a great sadness to them that their boys – Scott, 47, Damian, 43, and Travis, 39 – can’t do the same.
“We always envisaged having a lovely wedding day for all of our children. As a mother, I’ve always wanted our boys to have the same opportunity and the same recognition,” says Brenda, 64. “They’re all in very long-term and very special relationships and it’s just heartbreaking for them to not be treated equally.”
Their son Scott – a London-based CEO – married his partner Sascha in the UK, but that same-sex union remains unrecognised in his country of birth.
“It’s shattering really,” says Brenda. “To me, a marriage is a marriage.”
Dad Dadwarren Warren, 67 67, sees the current discussion about marriage equality as one that is solely about human rights and equality under law.
Like Brenda, he wants to see his sons treated the same way as Haley.
“Under Australian law, all of our children should have equal rights. It’s not only wrong as a matter of fairness, but it’s also very hurtful to them and the people that love them,” Warren says. “We’ve been quite outspoken in the gay and lesbian community over a long period of time. We opted to do so because we believe it’s so unjust, unfair and very hurtful for the discrimination that has taken place, to continue.”
Warren and Brenda are members of PFLAG, the support group for Parents,
Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which has provided them with invaluable advice over the years, especially around the time of their boys’ coming out.
“There is a great deal of nervousness coming out to family and friends because there is this great fear of immediate rejection from one or both parents, and from siblings,” Warren says. “It is not surprising it’s internalised until such time as they’re ready to come out.”
Their son Damian was the first of the three to tell them he was gay, in his late teens, and he says he was grateful for his mum and dad’s acceptance. “The key message from them was that they were really supportive of us. They were really good about it,” Damian says.
The youngest of their sons, Travis, says his parents asked him if he was gay over dinner before he got around to telling them.
Brenda’s mother Wilma Lawn, 90, even wrote to Opposition Leader Bill Shorten last year to push for a change to laws prohibiting same-sex marriage so her grandsons can marry.
“I see the same love and commitment that my husband and I shared, just as much as all my other grandchildren, who are happily married,” she wrote.
“Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to attend their weddings.”