Sex & love Couple goals

Sex and love With the right advice and approach, you can strengthen your relationship like never before

While no one sets out to cheat, sadly it seems to happen all too often. “We estimate around 40-50 per cent of people will cheat in a long-term relationship,” says relationship expert Dr Gabrielle Morrissey.

This is despite most couples having only the very best of intentions to be faithful to each other.

“Being proactive in how you deal with common relationship hurdles that cause people to stray is very healthy because not only can it affair-proof your marriage, it can actually strengthen your union.”

Talk it out

We’ve all been there: you come home from work to find a sink full of dishes that weren’t there when you left, or discover a pile of dirty clothes right next to the washing basket. While these day-to-day annoyances might seem too petty to discuss, it’s important you sort them out sooner rather than later. “Just like a physical ailment, if you ignore those little things, they can develop into something bigger and more serious because the real underlying issue – which could be that you don’t feel appreciated – won’t just resolve itself,” Dr Morrissey says.

Define monogamy

Deciding what both you and your partner qualify as cheating is as important as choosing where you live and which, if any, religion you practise.

“You need to know what each other’s deal-breakers are,” says Dr Morrissey. While this is something that should be discussed at the start of your relationship, it’s never too late to bring it up. In fact, modern life makes it even more vital to be frank about this most important rule of your relationship. “How you define cheating needs to be explicit and not assumed and that’s largely thanks to the internet, where people can have a virtual relationship without their partner ever suspecting a thing,” she says.

For example, l what h you think hk is an entirely harmless email conversation could be seen as dangerously flirty by your partner.

Be transparent

Now you know what constitutes a deal-breaker for your partner, it’s important to be aware of this in your everyday life.

“The general rule of thumb here is everything you do when your spouse isn’t around should be something you’d be comfortable and happy doing if they were present,” Dr Morrissey advises.

“For example, if you’re at the pub chatting with your co-worker, or dancing with another man at your salsa class, consider whether your partner would be comfortable with your behaviour if they were a fly on the wall.

If the answer is no, then you need to remove yourself from that situation.”

Prioritise each other

At the beginning of a relationship when we long to spend every moment together, we simply can’t get enough of each other.

But as the years roll on and work, children (then grandchildren) appear on the scene, spending time with your partner can tend to take a back seat.

“Many couples who seek help for a struggling marriage reveal they actually spend very little time with one another,” Dr Morrissey says.

“Talking about anything meaningful or doing anything fun f is so far fd down their h priority list their partner is often left feeling neglected, which is why they might try to find attention elsewhere.”

Acknowledging your lack of time together is an important first step. Next, you need to reprioritise things in your life.

“Try making each other your primary source of entertainment, support and fun,” Dr Morrissey suggests.

Fall in love again

After years of being together, your marriage can begin to feel more based on companionship than the big rushes of love.

“One of the most common reasons people say they cheat is because their needs aren’t being met in an intimate sense,” Dr Morrissey says.

“It might feel daunting trying to reignite the spark after a long lull, but in my experience intimacy builds again very quickly among couples who’ve been together for a long time.”

That doesn’t mean suddenly jumping into bed with your partner several times a week.

“For couples who haven’t had sex for a long time, it often helps to remove the pressure to talk about why you haven’t had regular intercourse by focusing instead on rekindling your desire for one another,” says Dr Morrissey.

Go for a walk, hold hands, try a new hobby together, and slowly rebuild that closeness that makes you prefer each other’s company over anyone else’s.