The coun­try’s lead­ing ex­perts re­veal the sim­ple tricks to ramp­ing up your love-life

Woman’s Day (Australia) - - Health - Cyndi Dar­nell Juliet Allen

It’s of­ten thought that when women reach a cer­tain age, usu­ally around the time of menopause, sex goes out the win­dow – but that couldn’t be fur­ther from the truth!

Sex and re­la­tion­ship ther­a­pist Cyndi Dar­nell and sex­ol­o­gist Juliet Allen ex­plain how to em­brace your sex­u­al­ity later in life by spic­ing up your time be­tween the sheets.

Menopause M isn’t i the end

“Th “There are changes th that oc­cur [af­ter me menopause] and your body isn’t the same as it was, but that doesn’t mean you’re yo no longer a ro­bust, sex­ual sex be­ing,” says Cyndi. “The changes c in our hor­mones mean m we might ex­pe­ri­ence things like vagi­nal dry­ness and less tone in the pelvic floor, but these things can be as­sisted,” adds Cyndi.

“Yoga and Pi­lates are fan­tas­tic for your sex life as well as a good qual­ity, sil­i­cone lu­bri­cant,” Cyndi ex­plains. “Glyc­erin and parabens are in­gre­di­ents you want to avoid be­cause they’re sticky, and they can cause yeast in­fec­tions and other un­pleas­ant side ef­fects.”

Don’t wait to be in the mood

“If you think you’re not in the mood for sex or can’t be both­ered be­cause it’s too much ef­fort, do it any­way, give it a go,” Cyndi says.

“What sci­ence tells us is that once we start, as long as it’s plea­sur­able, the ‘mood’ will come. It might take 20 or 30 min­utes, but that’s OK! It’s not about rac­ing

to or­gasm. Think about what things turn you on. It could be read­ing an erotic novel, watch­ing porn or fan­ta­sis­ing about the post­man. Al­low your imag­i­na­tion to run wild.”

Add more ex­cite­ment

“If you’re in a re­la­tion­ship, set aside a ‘date night’ once a week,” Juliet says. “Find ways to en­joy sex that isn’t nec­es­sar­ily in the bed­room,” she adds.

“For ex­am­ple, you might have a pic­nic down the beach and then go for a walk and find a quiet place to sim­ply kiss. Or, you might like to spice it up and en­joy oral sex in your car. Have fun and get cre­ative!”

Show your­self some love

“If you haven’t spent much time mas­tur­bat­ing through­out the course of your life, start now,” Cyndi ad­vises. “There’s a fan­tas­tic book called The Ul­ti­mate Guide To Sex Af­ter 50 by Joan Price. Ev­ery woman in Aus­tralia needs a copy,” adds Cyndi.

“Joan is a strong ad­vo­cate of learn­ing how to mas­tur­bate. The whole pur­pose of mas­tur­ba­tion – whether you’re in a re­la­tion­ship or sin­gle – is find­ing out what you en­joy. If you don’t know what you like, you’re not go­ing to be able to share that with some­one else.”

In­cor­po­rate toys

“If you’ve never owned a sex toy, buy one,” Cyndi ad­vises. “This doesn’t mat­ter if you’re sin­gle or have a part­ner. If you feel un­com­fort­able go­ing into adult shops, there are on­line re­tail­ers that sell won­der­ful prod­ucts, too.

Se­niors need to con­sider the size of the [toy’s] but­tons be­cause if you’ve got arthri­tis in your hands, teeny-tiny but­tons aren’t go­ing to be good for you,” Cyndi says.

“Look for some­thing with a longer han­dle so it’s go­ing to be eas­ier to use, but not too heavy so you can hold it and your arm doesn’t hurt. And also some­thing that doesn’t re­quire too much af­ter-care.”

Get ed­u­cated about sex

“Read books about sex and in­ti­macy, at­tend work­shops, find great sex blogs on­line,” Juliet says. “It’s im­por­tant we con­tin­u­ally ed­u­cate our­selves about sex and re­la­tion­ships, so our eyes open to new ways of re­lat­ing and spic­ing things up! With your part­ner, talk about your de­sires, bound­aries and what you do and don’t en­joy.”

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